Monday, August 31, 2009

yesterday and today - day SE-IGHT

today is yesterday. yesterday which i am pretty sure was monday...i woke up at 6am or so- another sleepless night, so i stayed up and watched bridget jone's diary on SABC 3. btw i can not properly explain how surreal it is watching english films in south africa. trust me, its weird. but i am still a hopeless romantic...who knows how many times i've seen that movie.

anyway- we had to hit the road early to get to the canadian consulate. we landed in a patch of traffic. now, traffic in south africa is like the world famous LA traffic only instead of four lanes there are two. a parking lot. so we decided best to call and let the consulate know we are on our way. since i needed the travel papers for travel that evening. the very pleasant lady on the phone informed me that, that was absolutely not going to happen.
but, i should come in anyway and get the process rolling. when i got there i spoke with another equally pleasant woman who helped me fill out the papers and told me that it she has never seen in done on the same day. canadians have the most delightful way of telling you where to...well you get the point. still, for those of you who know me. know that for whatever reason there are times when i just don't hear 'no'.

oh no- my minutes are running out so i will skip to the point.

i happened to sit beside a doctor who is thinking about moving his family to canada. he says that there are a series of tests that he and his wife will have to take to be able to work in canada...shout out - da kink episode 203. he works in the community in durban- the stats say that 1/3 of the population in that region is infected with HIV. which is nutz! but -look he told me first hand that from what he has seen that is more like 50/50! he told me that violence against women is so bad that if i were to go out after 8pm for say- a walk there is a 90% chance that i would be raped! now, come on. come on! this is first hand from a community doctor. he was a beautiful dedicated soul. i must say for every crazy story i hear about- there is an equally inspiring story of an angel doing great work and committed to change. i want to help share those stories...


my time is just about out so before i get cut off. i will say. its 658am tomorrow. i am in frankfuhrt. waiting for the flight to france. today is today. i so I GOT THE PASSPORT!! and yes. when i was standing outside the gate the guard told me to come back in a day or two... more on that if i get a chance.

i am so grateful my mom & dad picked canada to move to. i promise them that i won't drop the ball. to my friends, soldiers, and angels on the continent. i promise you i will be back....soon. well y'all know november is when i return. this is a global village. we are citizens of this earth no matter what our passport reads i believe we are responsible for each other.

love you ngozi







Sunday, August 30, 2009

ANGEL IDA - day six


wow. ok. i am blown away. i met ida today and as i said yesterday she is a field coordinator for the stephen lewis foundation. ok wow. where to begin.
when i first met ida she breezed into the room beaming. beautiful smile, radiant. we sat down to talk- i was so grateful that she was able to fly in so that we could spend time together. we sat down over a cup of roiboos tea and she began to speak to me. she told me about her millennium year, that was the year she buried her brother and her husband. they both died from HIV/Aids.
after which, she had to fight to stay in her home because in many parts of the world women are still not entitled to OWN LAND! she was left with two children, no money and with no options. so. she decided to take matters into her own hands. ida started working with 'street youth' - i asked her what she meant by that. she explained, many of the youth are orphans, have been in violent conflicts or have been displayed by war. WAR. she told me that when she began to reach out to the community that on her first day that she began HIV testing 13 out of 15 of the women she tested were HIV POSITIVE! forgive my french WTF! really WHAT THE @#c*! i know that is not lady like but really. i don't have another word for this. we really need a new word for women like this. super human? she started mobilizing her community at a grass roots level and since then she has created dozens of grassroots support groups in zambia that work with thousands of women.
i asked ida - how? how did you move from grief into action? she said "it's not about me."
and that's the bottom line isn't it? she told me about a 70 grandmother who buried all 13 of her children - all died from Aids...come on now! all of her children.and she is left to care for her grandchildren. ida told when she hears a story like that how can she be silent?
we cried and laughed. i felt like i had met another long lost sister...aissatou being the first.
we are coming together now. ida says "together we can make a change" i believe her.

there is so much more to tell...this rabbit hole goes so deep. these situations are not by accident but by design. and worse still apathy.

i know we can wake up, get involved and create a change together.

but as aissatou's grandmother's says, "there is too much meat to fit into this pan". but as you all know. i am on a mission.
tomorrow, we go to the consulate to get my passport back - i will be needing it.
tomorrow, god willing i fly into france - i will spend some of my time there telling you more about the people i met here.

friends. tonight i don't think i will sleep again.
love you
ngozi

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Want and Wealth - DAY FIVE

today was a day of processing. thank you all for the comments, care and feedback. the money that was lost is half a year's average salary in south africa and in a country where unemployment is over 50% it is no wonder my wallet vanished. seriously, i'm totally fine. just inconvenienced and was heartbroken at not being able to visit with the projects in zambia. but as i said i will be returning in november, staying for longer and doing more work. and ida (in the picture below) flew in from zambia since we couldn't fly to her. she is an amazing woman who works as field representative for the slf foundation. more about her tomorrow.
last night aissatou and i spent hours working out what "my" (and i have to put my in quotes because its really ngozika and everyone i know - i am an ambassador now) next steps will be with the foundation.

today i slept until 330pm. i woke up briefly had breakfast and then fell asleep. the sleep was full of lucid dreams. i was dreaming about the projects. about the foundation. about the future.
when i woke up i thought it was 11am or so. so clearly my physical body was grateful for the rest. and so was i.

i have been going pretty hard core for the past few weeks, with no intention of stopping anytime soon. today i remembered how important it is to process. i mapped out my coarse for the next year. and the years to come actually. the ongoing joke in my house is i always say, "i want to live simple like bob marley." now, i don't know if he really lived simply but his home in jamaica suggested that he had a few favorite items and that he didn't surround himself with many material goods. i loved the simplicity of it. so every time i bring home a new pair of shoes, or fancy dress or something my roommates and best friends always remind me of my quote. it's so easy to want more, to feel like we need to have more, more more. we are conditioned to be consumers. yet, we have so much, we are given so much. and there is much to be grateful for. today, i decided i am selling my house and downsizing to a condo.
surrounding myself with the essential goods. allow clarity and stillness for what is needed. and time to LIVE in complete alignment with my principles and what is truly important to me.
to LOVE without confusion. space to APPRECIATE what you have. the space allows you to see and not take all that we have for granted. when you have enough our privilege and blessing is to SHARE with those who don't have.
i still love shoes. but when i wear my fabulous shoes (or my boots below) i am walking into my purpose.


aissatou said, "live a simple, yet rich life".
to love, to share, to live in appreciation that is true wealth.
and like our the all the beautiful resources of our planet there is more than enough for all of us.


thank you sharing
lovingly ngozi

Friday, August 28, 2009

GROUNDED - day four - international gold card

boooo. my passport is gone. it was in my traveling case with um. ya. over a thousand US dollars.

all i can say is i was planning on giving that money away.
so... i hope whoever has the wallet really needed it. i suspect they did. and the canadian passport is like an international gold card. the canadian consulate is closed until monday and i won't be able to travel to zambia...which i don't know about. but i won't get into that frustration.

i discovered the missing wallet at the airport desk.
and nope. i didn't put it down somewhere. i only use that wallet for travel. i had it when i was on the plane last night. put it in my bag and then...poof gone.
luckily i have my credit cards and bank card separate.

anyway its gone. i may not be able to travel on monday as planned either. oh boy. oh well.
i really believe 'you do your best' ...everything happens for a reason.
so. i will stay in SA for the next two days.

its already decided i will be returning to africa in november. so now. i have to live what i beleive. stay in the moment. live in the now. and have faith that there is a divine order to everything.
i am grounded. time to be still. psalm 46:10
love you gozi.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

NYANGA & KHALEYLITSHA - MTCC - day three

i am starting this post from the airport waiting room in capetown
i will finish i'm pretty sure from the hotel in joberg.
we fly into joberg - nap - no sleep. then to zambia in the morning.
our flight has been delayed. so i can type until the juice runs out. i got 9%.

today we visited with mtcc (music therapy community clinic)
the mtcc works with different community based projects
that care for children that have survived trauma from HIV and Aids.
most of them have buried parents. some are infected themselves.
what do they do? they sing and dance with the kids!
healing themselves through expression. love that!

ok now. back at the hotel. its 113am i'm beat. last night i didn't sleep. so much to be done.
i've got to try to sleep a bit tonight. don't know if i will though i will try.

let me say this.
they kids are so talented, so beautiful, such shining lights.
i fell in love today. really true love. this one angel insisted on hugging me and giving me a big kiss on the face. he was about 6 years old maybe? his face was covered with snot! covered! but i was like hey- 'i love you'. and we hugged, he gave me a big kiss and we danced and i was gone. complete surrender. i dedicated my life. i was stunned- because really the snot was all over his angel face. but who cares i love him.

i have so much more to share. i played the djembi drum today for the first time. and a 7 year old thought me how to work a tambourine. (i thought i was a expert. WRONG!)


i know why i was born. really. until every child, woman, man. has the ability to feel free to express themselves, to be healthy and happy. none of us are free. that is for real. i saw myself today. i know why i am here. everyone has the right to be free. be heard, feel seen. i can spend the rest of my life helping to make sure that happens for all of us.



this is where most of these beautiful angels reside. but please keep in mind what the women said yesterday. she is strong and they don't want or need pity. this community is exploding with life and talent. let us make way for them.

so much more to come.
i will add more about the past three days too.
more pictures. (yeah! pictures) more stories.

lovingly. ngozi. um ya. my name means accident in some languages here. so, yup. i no i wasn't planned mommy and daddy but hey! so- blessing in some languages, accident in others. that sums it up. destiny is what it is. by accident or by design. i am here. and so are you.










Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Khayelitsha - GAPA - day two

Grandma's Against Poverty and Aids
today we drove to khayelitsha about 20 minutes out outside of capetown
but i assure you an entire world apart. these are grandmother's who are dealing with the effect this virus' rampage across their country and in their homes.

when we hear about the HIV/Aids "pandemic" in sub-saharan africa it is difficult to grasp what is really going on. we hear the numbers...millions of people infected...1 in every 4 people in south africa between the ages of 15-49...one in every four pregnant women. what?! huh?! that can't be right. we think no way. and we move on. but as my friend aissatou put it today so eloquently, "behind every number is a heartbeat, and their heartbeat is just as valuable as mine." (when i say she is an angel i am not exaggerating) and she is right.

i listened to their stories. i was blown away by their courage. women infected by their husbands. women who have buried their children, and their children's children. yet.
and this is a big YET- they are so resilient.
one woman who has been living with HIV/Aids said that she did not want to be "pitied". she told her story with such strength, humor, and grace. she was amazing.

we saw how communities are pulling together at a grass roots level to support and educate each other. training each other and creating space for each other.

one woman who was infected told be that she was in such denial initially that when she got shingles, (known for being excruciating) that she, "put away the pain".
put it away for 6 months! and she told me that with a smile on her face. and we laughed and joked about the "strong black woman syndrome"...she said that if she ignored the pain any longer it could could have killed her. sister's can you hear me out there?
it was this particular beauty that showed me her art work in the form of belts, earrings, hats etc... of coarse i shopped. she also trains the other grandmother's how to create as well.

she told me "if you are creative like me...there are lots of things you can do". i love that. so, i will see what i can do!

vivian the project leader just looked at me straight and said. "i don't talk, talk, a talk! - i DO"
i love that!

i can really go on and on. my dream is community. today i saw it in action. i love expression. today i saw it in dance and song. it was amazing. in the middle of the workshop all the women would erupt spontaneously into song.

+ i didn't even get into the kids. beyond cute. beyond cute.
? though um why do they perm the kids hair? or should i say the babies? really i saw some perms on kids that can't talk....hmmm? that's a whole kink episode of its own. and a whole other blog.

...oh yes i took video i was trying to upload it but...alas. no dice.
i will keep at it. video and pics still en route.

like i said to the grandmother's today
love you so much
thank you for sharing this with me
i really appreciate you so much
you're beautiful
ngozi


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

CAPE TOWN TOUCH DOWN - day one

ok so flew into nyc...nope wait.
new jersey. didn't even figure that one out until i got on the plane. booooo.
took a train to nyc. then a cab to the hotel.
mini-sleep. then cab to jfk. then flight to johannesburg. then flight to cape town.
planes. trains and automobiles.
yes. i am delirious. time traveling will do that to ya.

when we arrived at the airport there were hundreds and hundreds of people cheering at the gate.
they may have thought they were welcoming their athletes home after the world championships!
...but i knew they were there for me. so i waved and smiled. and they waved back. quite a welcome!

i am traveling with an angel aissatou. she works with the stephen lewis foundation as their program director. she really is an angel. so committed. a wife, a mom and beautiful woman. she is traveling with only a carry on. my hero!

tomorrow we go and spend time with the grandmothers. like many of us i was raised by my grandmother. we used to go on senior church trips together. she's 92 and still going strong. so i have a very, very soft spot for grandma's.
aissatou told me some of their stories...these are grandmother's who have stepped in to raise their grandchildren after watching their own children die from HIV/Aids.
i am really humbled more and more every step i take on this journey.

i am tired but...no not really. i'm juiced. i feel propelled by a force much greater than myself.

a friend read my blog and asked me. "how do i stay so strong?"
ok so a couple of things
1. i don't usually feel very strong at all. but i do believe - that which is in me is greater than that which is in the world. faith. push yourself to the edge of your abilities and support will be there to take you to the other side.
2. pick up this month's oprah. i love the quote on the front. 'you're stronger than you know'.

thanks for reading.
i will figure out pictures and video...soon. i'm sure. very soon.
lovingly. ngozi

Sunday, August 23, 2009

nyc to joberg

well the last 48hrs have been quite a whirlwind.
i packed up my place in LA. flew to toronto.
one of my best friends QUEEN JEANNETTE had her baby shower
we ate cupcakes and made a tummy cast...it was awesome.
hosted by me and TOVA but...tova said i was no help at all. she was right.
...but in my defense i did host and crack a few jokes...well i tired.

flew to nyc. and i'm off to JoBerg in the morning. i am so excited. i'm actually having dreams about airports.
i travel to joberg in south africa then to cape town. i will be meeting with projects that the STEPHEN LEWIS FOUNDATION works with. the more i learn about this organization the more i am impressed with the way they work. they support organizations at a grass roots level. they work specifically with women and girls...
i LOVE that!

i was planning on doing the twitter thing- but as it turns out i forgot my phone. so oh well.
i will try to post everyday while i am there. pictures and everything.
tonight i sleep at W Hotel in NYC tomorrow i sleep in Cape Town.

ok guys let's roll...

i really am starting to understand the meaning of ONE LOVE.
meditate on that.
ONE LOVE.
love you.
thanks for sharing. gozi.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

oh yes my heart.

anybody out there ever been in love?
here's the set up.
i feel very fortunate to be alive. very fortunate to be able to share stories and my passions with others. grateful that even one person is listening.
i am getting ready to fly back to canada in a few days and then as you know i will be flying south africa...then to zambia. i am diligently preparing myself for the journey ahead.

so here i am, minding my own business. getting my work done. packing up...well not really packing yet. (i know i should...but thinking i'm about it) blah blah blah.

then out of no where an ex-guy. you know the kinda guy. never was a boyfriend but somehow got 'in there' kinda guy. he tells me...he's in love. and wham oh yes my heart.
you want to be nothing but happy for him and most of you is...kinda. no mostly. and you will be totally soon. but wham, my heart.

but um. how can i cry about this nonsense when there is so much to do. so much work to be done. so many women who live through so much.
then i realize o.k. i have to let myself cry. be open, feel if i feel it. only an open heart can share anything. so i let myself cry. a bit.

and remember my heart.
listen to some sade

i can pack to tomorrow.

7 more sleeps...
a little note from my bruised but not broken heart.
lovingly ngozi

(i wanted to put sade's song 'pearls' on here but couldn't figure it out...anyone who can post that link that would be awesome and greatly appreciated)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

if you can't do it all. DO what you CAN.

i heard that today. vin diesel was giving an interview and was talking about how he got his "big break". he was in "the business" for 20 years. 20 YEARS!! and nothing. it wasn't until he did a short film on his own about his journey of being a struggling diverse actor that he got, not only a job but a call from his agent that said Steven Speilberg saw his short film and was having the writer - write scenes for him in his upcoming film - SAVING PRIVATE RYAN - and we know how the rest of that goes. mind blowing.

i heard that today when i was so feeling tired and honestly a bit lazy.
i thought to myself o.k. if i can't do it all. what CAN i DO?
so today i wrote and did research about the projects that i will be visiting- i was humbled. talk about Can Do people.

a simple quote and an amazing story.
it inspired me so i thought i would share with you.

just 11 more sleeps and 4 time zones until i wake up in cape town.
thanks for sharing that with me.
lovingly ngozi.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

the sun is setting in my apartment. and the brightest light in the room is the glare of my computer screen. (let me remedy that)
there is so much that i want to share but i go back and forth about what to talk about, what matters and what doesn't. life in LA has been so full.
does anybody else feel as though we are living in interesting times? i often feel as though i am here and not exactly. i feel like a baby might feel in a womb, ready to be birthed.
yup. that's it exactly. as though i am growing and changing and morphing into something very new. and very soon i have the heightened awareness that i will be stepping into a whole new reality.

i will be leaving la for toronto on the 21st and then toronto for nyc and then nyc for joberg.
i have been to africa before but this journey feels very different.
...i do beleive a new reality awaits.

Monday, August 3, 2009

that's funny

i look up and now it's august. does anyone else feel like wow we're living in oz a bit. one minute its today and the next minute- its next month or even next year. so much for blogging this is my 3rd post for the year.
but- i'm starting up again. i will be traveling to africa in a few weeks and i will be blogging from there and even...dare i say twitter. i've been so nervous about logging on. but i want to share some of these up coming experiences. my hope is by talking about the day to day life of this journey and the amazing work that people are doing worldwide and on a local level that individuals (including me) will feel as though making change is more assesible to them.
that we don't have to change the whole world. maybe just a tiny little corner of our own world.

so here goes. i admit it. i'm kinda nervous. but that's a good sign. thanks for listening.
more to come and this time it won't be another six weeks.
sending you love and light
ngozi