commitment. day 10.

i was in a meeting yesterday and someone asked me why i was doing 'this'. (this referring to the triathlon, being that- i'm just learning how to swim and i just learned how to spell the word triathlon - further more "the best life" in these first 10days has been about be keeping my head above water)
anyway, i was a bit stumped. then i remembered one of the most amazing stories i had ever seen.
this story planted the seed.
my inspiration. please check out the link.
its only 10 days in and i realize- a year is short. only 355 days left. watch as the numbers melt away. its no cliche, life is short. and yet, you can transform your life in a year - through commitment. i promise you i did NOT feel like swimming today. its cold and wet in toronto. then i remembered my commitment. and i thought. hmmm. we have a choice - your life can be an inspiration or not. say "inspiration" in this day and age we usually think of those 'other people' who make speeches or lead marches. but what about our day to day lives? through our personal choices we can all be a light in this world. dick hoyt (the father in the clip) did it for his son and he has inspired millions. for me it was going to the lesson & i did 2 laps! (very big deal for me)

what is your reason why? to stretch yourself? to keep your commitments?
again, what would this world look like if we all did our best? i want to know.
for starters what will this world look like when i do my best...?


love you ngozi

day 9. what's your best?

what is your best?
did you do your best today?
i heard it said that true nobility is not being better than someone else its being better than your previous self.
how did you do today?

day 8. let it be.

a gentle breeze of melancholy swept in with the rain today.
i leave toronto in 7 days. i'm happy about that. but not so happy about the the pile of to do's that seems to be adding up. + yesterday driving around the city there were so many things to love. a marathon. a chinese festival at queen's park. lovely. i woke up to jog this morning but i was rained in. what to do in case of rain? i slept. i worked. i swam. i worked. i met with a beautiful wide-eye girl who asked me for direction. i said follow your heart...then i told her how to get a good agent. ?not sure how i felt about that.? i went to see the informant with a great friend of mine. a great movie. but strangely disturbing. maybe that's why i feel...off.

i love the beatles. really i love the beatles.
a perfect song for right now.


let it be.

tomorrow:

7am jog
8am breakfast
9am meeting at home. then
10am meeting
1pm meeting
3 office
430pm meeting
730 spynga

...i promise to eat in there somewhere.
today was not so great i ate to BOXES of nut thins and a veggie burger.
ya. gotta do better than that.

SISTERHOOD. day 6 and 7 and 359 to go...

well yesterday i took 'the day off' from blogging. i actually missed it.
but i spent the day getting myself organized. no wait, i did that today. yesterday (saturday) i stayed in bed for most of the day. i went to spynga then came home and slept. it's amazing how much time you have on your hands when you eliminate bad habits from your life. seriously. think about it.

but today, i woke up went to a work out class with tova. went grocery shopping. cleaned my room. did laundry. and participated in THE CANADIAN BLACK FILM FESTIVAL where my short film titled 'the first time' was screened before, Embracing 'da Kink.
I watched that documentary for the first time again today.

wow. da Kink in my Hair. from 2002 to 2009 wow. what a journey. i rarely think about what we've done or even talk about it. i still feel as though i am moving forward and there is so much more to come. that constant focus leaves little time to reflect. but today, watching it reminded me of what i believe.

i DO believe in sisterhood & friendship and what we can accomplish when we support one another. and really my philosophy is to give, give give, what you want to receive. and its true over the course of time i have been disappointed at times but what i know for sure is when you give of yourself- the joy of giving can never be taken away from you. giving without expectations. and disappointment is a function of our expectations...
so give freely.


in my short film 'the first time' i talk to two very unlikely subjects about their first sexual encounter...i was asked to do more with that. i will. because, talking - really talking to each other is so healing. telling each other the truth about our experiences sharing with each other.

i sat on a panel afterward and someone asked us if we were healed. i was stumped as to how to answer that question. i feel healthy you see. but i know the journey continues. and the life journey is always about getting better. not getting better than someone else. but get better than your former self. so that's today. and tomorrow...

monday:
7am wake up
715 - 8am jog
8-830 shower and dress
830-9am breakfast
930 - 2pm arrive in office - work
11am snack/1pm lunch
2pm leave for swimming
3pm swimming lesson
430-530pm work from home
530pm mentor meeting

here's to a five star week
looking fwd to monday morning
ngozi

361-life as a swimming lesson

in swim class today my instructor- who speaks to me like i'm a 5 year old (imagine marry poppins as an 18 year old guy) which i don't mind at all, he's very sweet, shared two pieces of insight with me. the first was this,"so you say you want to do a triathlon - you don't have to do it any specific way you can do the doggie paddle..." i laughed out loud. but then i thought hey he's right. its not always about style its about getting the job done. the second golden nugget was then he explained why breathing is so important. he explained, if you don't breathe under water (breathe out) you get tried because your keeping the carbon dioxide in your lungs and that's what you don't need. so it makes you tired.
do you see the genius there? take in what you need. let go of what you don't. breathe out. hanging on to what you don't need just weighs you down.

i just saw secrets of a black boy. congratulations to everyone involved in the show. check out the link and check out the show it great seeing 7 black men on stage expressing themselves.

saturday is my day off so i won't be blogging tomorrow.
i will however be creating a schedule for myself. lots to do before i head back to la.
and if i want to start eating anything other than starbucks oatmeal i need a plan.

shine on. letting go of everything that doesn't serve you.
gozi

362 days to go. turbulence. mid-stream

today was one of those days.
i stayed up working until 3am preparing materials for a meeting today with a network...i was very excited. i had so much on my mind i didn't fall asleep until 4am or so. i woke up just before 8am. i went into the office for about 1030am ready to dig into a great day of work as my meeting was scheduled for 245pm. i met with our new intern and ran through the list of our to-do's sometime around 1130am i slipped way to use the lady's room. mid-stream i get a knock on the door 'ngozi it's the phone.' in my mind i'm like...what the heck? can i not pee in peace? - i respond 'i'm busy can you take a message?', reply 'its the network your meeting is scheduled or 11am and everyone is waiting for you..." what the @#ck? huh?
there are many things worse than being interrupted while using the bathroom but that doesn't make it any less enjoyable. and being interrupted mind stream to be informed that somewhere there is a room full of execs waiting on you for a meeting that you think is 3 hours later. really not good. any who...
turns out the meeting was entered into my schedule incorrectly. i did not book the meeting. i just went by what was in my computer. what was in my computer was wrong (which was proven to me when i got the confirmation email for 11am fwd to me directly).
the day went down hill from there. my documents didn't print out correctly. my computer kept freezing. etc. etc.
find a silver lining? well with energy spinning around the way it was today i can only imagine that today meeting was better served being scheduled for next week. i was an honest mistake and i was completely out of my hands.
now- to anyone who is reading this still here is the great thing about this commitment.
because of the commitment i made - rather than sinking into ice cream when things went wrong today i was able to lean on the commitment to get me through the emotions of the day.

there are going to be bumps and hurdles. but the true measure is how we deal with the challenges that we face. i know we've all heard it before. but- question is how many of us remember those cliches when we need them? today was a great day. because even though it was full- and i mean full of frustrations...many i didn't bore you with-

i stood my ground. stayed committed. didn't freak on anyone about my disappointment and i feel fine. i sent cards and sincere apologies to everyone...i was mortified. but we took care of it and i shared a laugh with the network about the whole thing. somehow i think that meeting will be even better next week. so, there was so turbulence but i am still in flight.

thank you so much for listening.
lovingly
ngozi

severe showers and a chance of drowning.

day 363. okay. i took a swimming lesson today. if you click on the link you'll be able to identify their target market. (i don't think i'm who they have in mind). some of you may know already that i just learned how to swim last summer. or rather i thought i learned to swim last year. i haven't practiced. i can't really swim. yup. i'm doing a triathlon next year where i expect myself to swim a half mile in ocean water.
the swimming lesson was today at 3pm and apparently the only people who can take swimming lessons at that time of day are people like myself and toddlers. the toddlers watched me taking my private lesson and they looked just as confused as me.
however, in light of my blog yesterday i decided to push myself and i swam two laps without stopping. i did swallow some water and choked...just a little bit. that's when it occurred to me - i may actually drown in the pacific ocean next year. but hey, not a bad way to go. shall we talk for a minute about the hair issues that come with black girl trying to learn how to swim. its a good thing my hair is in braids but even still i will have to either shave my head or double my annual hair budget. they just don't make swim caps big enough!! after swimming i felt very great. i think its proven: when you do what is good for you...push yourself to go just a bit further. you feel better afterward. i feel in many ways as though i'm starting at the very beginning. which is fantastic.
i also worked for hours...i'm still working on a pitch that i'm giving to a network tomorrow. more on that after the meeting. and i spent several hours in a meeting working out the project that i will be producing in africa. again, more on that very soon. details to come-
we got another 362 days..
lovingly
ngozi

day 364 - happy birthday tova!!!

i have to say this is my first year with my birth date on facebook. and wow.
thank you so much for all the birthday wishes. my heart swoons. i really love you guys and i feel extremely fortunate. thank you truly. love you.

today, is tuesday the 22nd.

today is TOVA (one of my best friends) birthdays - we celebrated together and sang happy birthday. HAPPPPPY BIRTHDAY TOVA. LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

(that's us when we drove across country earlier this year. fun!)

i realize that to get a blog out everyday is going to take some planning. which leads me to another great realization. order and excellence go hand in hand. as much as life can seem random at times - i believe that there is order in the universe. and as such, a life of excellence also has order.

now- for this here (at times) dare i say, 'flaky' artist- order is something that i resist.

but living your best life (for me anyway) means commitment.

for example: i did a sypnga class today - (that's spinning and yoga) now here is the exciting thing about commitment. after a long day of meetings and deadlines i didn't feel like taking a class - but, because i made the commitment to do the class my commitment was there to overrule my inertia. so i went and felt great afterward.

after the singing i spent an unplanned hour on skype with a friend o' mine, unplanned but great and he gave me some useful advice on working out. which was (this is what i heard not exactly what he said) that exercise is not just about the goal it's about pushing yourself. which i love. and to be quite honest when it comes to exercise that is something i rarely do. or rather i have rarely done.

but again going back to commitment and process. stretching yourself in the moment is exciting and fun!

so now i am typing feverishly to get this out before midnight.

let me leave you with this a workout video with me, trey and TOMMY EUROPE that we did this in february. an oldie but a goody.

push yourself...i dare you.

check out: dare to remember.org in the link above.
a great initiative by the stephen lewis foundation...dare yourself and a friend.
more to come on that.

the party continues
love gozi

it's here. the first day of the rest of my life.

ok so today is the day. birthday to birthday. all in. this is the first day of the rest of my life. and that is something that we all have in common. i will blog everyday except saturdays and holidays. (and when i'm in a remote place where blogging is inaccessible).

while preparing for this journey i have been thinking a lot about what it means to be 'living your best life'. when i asked myself that question i discovered that i had lots of ambiguity in several different areas...

SO the first thing i needed to do was to NOT beat myself up about anything that i hadn't done yet, or that i meant to do. truly, and this can not be overstated - the only thing or time that exists is NOW.

the second, was to let go of any attachment to the outcome. now this is HUGE. let go of ANY attachment to the outcome. i found that extremely liberating. this doesn't mean that we do not make goals. but truly - the process is what its all about. also, desire is still ok, great even. but again its the attachment that strangles the process. and since the process is what it's all about...you get the point.

i can not fully described how liberating that feels. i highly recommend.
be proud of yourself. really love yourself. acknowledge that anything that you may perceive as failure or lack is just that your perception. and the great thing about your mind is that you can change it any time you want. simply - write a new program. just LET GO. let go of anything that is not serving your highest purpose.

3rd. make a plan. now plans change (and that's where flexibility comes in) but its great to have a plan mapped out so that what you want to accomplish becomes more tangible. i spoke to a friend of mine- he will be launching a business (today i believe - and today is an awesome day for launching anything) that deals specifically with helping people create and achieve their goals...he's very good at it. i chatted with him and when i was feeling tres confused as to where to start and he helped me start mapping stuff out.

oh yes GET HELP...we are not alone out here. just about all of us have a deep seeded desire to step into the highest version of ourselves. be a part of that conversation and quickly discover that so many people are not only on board, but also want to help...don't you?

i'm starting off with a mild cleanse (starting tomorrow - today i eat CAKE)
i begin training for the triathlon as well
i have 5 swimming lessons booked between now and when i go back to california.
i will be participating in the malibu triathlon next september. yeah!

i will be traveling back to africa and working there over the next year collaborating with artists there.

& i have a series and a film to get shot.

yes my dance card is pretty full. OH YES and i have a feeling that i am going to fall in LOVE this year. i've had this feeling before. i did or came really close- then panicked.

more details as the days unfold.


i will be so bold as to say this-
i can feel it!
by God's grace : this is going to be an OUTSTANDING YEAR! watch.
here we put the magic of intention and faith to work.

i just read MASSIVE CHANGE great book. that's the website.
here's the quote from the book:
the problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. WE NEED people who can DREAM of things that never were. JFK 1963.
i feel like i wrote this quote already. but that may have been a dream.

so here it is:
forgive. let go. dream. make a plan and GO.

day 1
364 to go.
we are in this thing together. whether we acknowledge that or not. so let's share and help each other out. time to break this thing called life wide open. everyday is your birthday so...

Happy Birthday everyone! Love you all.
ngozi

where to start? birth, the beginning and right at the start...

technically its tuesday morning here in toronto, but frankly i have been in so many different time zones over the past week- i think that i get to pick. so let's say its still monday and therefore exactly 7 days until my birthday on the 21st.

as i started gearing up for the 365 days of All in- i must confess i was getting scared and even more than the fear- i felt extremely confused.

i was having trouble sleeping. which has been happening more and more lately and something that i'm not used to. it's been years since sleepless nights and sleeping in.

any who - a couple of monumental things happened over the last few days.
the most noteable is that jeannette gave birth to the most beautiful angel on Saturday morning - Sagira she's beautiful. jeannette is a mom now. forever. tova and i were there in the delivery room. one leg each... it was one of the most incredible experiences of my entire life. jeannette was incredible and sagira is the most chillin' baby i have met. she's gorgeous.

she reminded me to be present. she just is. and her mommy and the peace and ease that she is moving into this next phase of her life has inspired me.

i was planning to go to the film festival this year to attend a bunch of events
but in light of the birth all the gliterati really paled in comparison to the sweet little angel. so mostly i stayed home. i did attend the CANADIAN BLACK FILM FESTIVAL launch on sunday though. that was great and i am so proud of that initaive.

right now. i'm getting ready. i'm cleaning up, clearing house and making a plan.
stay tuned.
lovingly - 6 days to go...
ngozi

ALL IN. The UP or OUT strategey.

i'm sitting in the airport lounge in france. i have been dreaming about this blog since i landed in europe about a week ago. but since then i have been eating myself in a croissant and chocolate stupor...

so here it is, for all its worth. most of us can relate to all of the things that we've been meaning to do. i heard a saying that really struck me a few weeks ago, "most of us are living life on the lay-away plan..."
giving our second best or sleep walking through the present moment because we are gearing up for what's going to happen when...
the "i'm gonna" syndrome. making excuses for what we're not doing today because we're sure we'll get to it... soon. plus, i'm tired from along day and entourage is on
i thought to myself what if i only had 365 days left? or even more to the point i questioned- is every action that i am taking in alignment with the best version of myself? are most of them even?
these are pretty scary questions. but i asked them anyway. can i get up everyday- and give my best?
well i've set a challenge for myself. i am giving myself a year of "ALL IN", no excuses, 100%. as human beings we are so full of potential as part of the elite of people in the world with all of our basic human rights taken care of AND access to a computer? come one. as i said it my privilege to do our very best. to ensure that when you leave a place. any place its gonna be better because you were there.

i think this is gonna be big. my birthday is coming up on september 21st. so i'm gonna do birthday to birthday. so the next 12 days or so i will be setting up for what i know will be a life changing year.
i consider myself very blessed in general. as you know i act, write, produce, direct. i'm a storyteller.

so in addition to telling you all about the many travels ahead. the work i will be doing in africa. (plus i will share info that i am learning about economics and WHY AFRICA IS SO POOR?? please remember THIS IS THE RICHEST CONTINENT IN THE WORLD WHEN IT COMES TO NATURAL RESOURCES!!! THE RICHEST!! sorry. whenever i think about that it blows my mind. remember we use these resources...in fact i'm using them now. google COLTAN
i digress...but really this all blows my mind.

i will share with you the process of producing a feature film (which i will be doing in the coming year...my first) and television and acting- while committed to living at 100%...YIKES.
honestly, i'm scared. this means i will be doing that mini triathlon. oh boy. i just learned how to swim.

and i know me. since i've gone and opened my big mouth. that means its ON!
i'm hoping that others will share their own journey and inspirations. imagine a world where everyone was living their best life. and living in their purpose. WOW. just one person at a time.
it was listening to Obama's book The Audacity of Hope that i heard "the up or out strategy that he and michelle discussed when he was about to run for the senate and i love that!

here we go...

starting with the man in the mirror written by siedah garrett here she is at the church i attend agape singing her song listen to her sing it


they are calling us to board.
love you. its on ALL IN.