day 38 and 39

Albert Einstein: "I want to know all Gods thoughts; all the rest are just details."

day 37.

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

day 36. to love.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi

artwork by aly kourouma - he has an art show coming up at the Zanzibar in LA this thursday night. definitely worth the checking out if you're in town

day 35.

the substance of the universe is conciousness.

day 32.

"the best way out is through." robert frost

instead of going through it.
how about growing through it...

day 30. one month in. 11 to go...

wow. it's been a month. there's something special about counting each day of a year. i'm finding that it changes the we that i see time. the way i experience a month, week, an hour. i am feeling extra ethereal today.
today was glorious. i got a lot of work done. my eye is much better and my third eye is opening + and i had one of the best massages of my life.
from the darkness to the light. indeed. when we look into eyes of another soul...consider for a moment, the same life force that beats their heart is beating your heart. wow. how can that be? and i have nothing to do with that life force? but i am a part of it.


life is so precious. transient yet permanent. fleeting and still everlasting.

a present and reminder:

STAY GOLD
thanks for staying with me
lovingly,
ngozi

day 28. 29. oh my eye...

my mommy always says to "take care of your health first". and for a statement that couldn't be more true- one has to wonder why this is something that we so rarely do. seriously, when your health goes, just about everything falls apart.
if you were wondering where i was yesterday i was in bed. remember on day 23 when i mentioned that my eye was bothering me...well i didn't get it checked out. and yesterday i couldn't open my eye without throbbing pain. the doctor wasn't available until today(tuesday) so yesterday i spent the day in darkness. no reading, no writing, no music, nothing. i spent the day feeling pretty sorry for myself. with little spurts of being very grateful for my health which is usually pretty good.
finally, i went to doctor and he said i had iritis.



inflammation of the eye. he gave me a series of eye drops and told me to relax. he asked me to go to something i enjoy. he said take care of myself...
oh ya! take care of myself. i've been so busy trying to "make something of myself" i haven't been taking time to enjoy.
hey, wait a minute i'm in LA, i'm living my dream. i'm blessed. life is beautiful- just as it is. the quest for better is nothing if its not fun.

i booked an acting job and i barely even celebrated! (more on that later, i fly to romania at the end of the month. really looking fwd to that)

SO i went on a hike. yeah! i ran up the hill a bit. double yeah! and tonight a friend took me out to dinner triple yeah!

tomorrow i go for a massage...

day 28. up and at em

this past week has been about getting my bearings, looking for a place out here and most importantly making myself available to the greatest good. and its been disorienting. making yourself available for me- means listening to that quiet truthful voice inside of you and actually doing what it says! most of us get clear instruction and then proceed to ignore it. my question is why is that? what programming is responsible for the human condition (in the west) that sells us all on the idea of "success", then proceeds to pacify us into complacency. writing this blog has been encouraging me, even forcing me to ask myself - What is my BEST LIFE? What does that mean to me...really. And I mean truthfully. What is your Best Life? Am I living it? And if not- why not? Very special caveat here. Ask YOURSELF and then ask yourself where those values came from, then ask yourself again what it means to be living your best life. i LOVE it! it feels good to stretch yourself.

i find myself tongue tied. and amazed at what is coming up.
so here's what is up next...

this week i train:

exercise/train in the canyons 3-4times
couple of pure cardio sessions at the y
that's for the run...

a couple (maybe 3) yas classes (yoga and spinning)
that's for the ride


fingers crossed that i can find a new swim school asap
that's for the swim

it's all for the good. no, for the great!

as an artist
this week i write
meet with my acting coach
finish my one-pagers for the projects i'm producing in africa
so much more
but that's it for now...


enjoy your best life.
lovingly-
ngozi

day 26.

"i don't know the key to success, but i know the key to failure is trying to be please everybody" bill cosby.

day 25.

i am so happy and grateful.

day 24. little soul in the sun.

in searching for an example today i asked a friend if he believed in God.
he said no. i was stumped. the example was not going to work if he didn't 'believe' we never got into the higher power discussion. i'm sure we will.
but this is a short story for him and all us. by neale donald walsch.
whether we believe or not. a parable so we remember...

Once upon no time, there was a little Soul who said to God, "I know who I am."

And God said, "That's wonderful! Who are you?"

And the Little Soul shouted, "I'm the Light!"

God smiled a big smile. "That's right!" God exclaimed. "You are the Light."

The Little Soul was so happy, for it had figured out what all the souls in the Kingdom were there to figure out.

"Wow," said the Little Soul, "this is really cool!"

But soon, knowing who it was was not enough. The Little Soul felt stirrings inside, and now wanted to be who it was. And so the Little Soul went back to God (which is not a bad idea for all souls who want to be Who They Really Are) and said,

"Hi, God! Now that I know Who I am, is it okay for me to be it?"

And God said, "You mean you want to be Who You Already Are?"

"Well," replied the Little Soul," it's one thing to know Who I Am, and another thing altogether to actually be it. I want to feel what it's like to be the Light!"

"But you already are the Light," God repeated, smiling again.

"Yes, but I want to see what that feels like!" cried the Little Soul.

"Well," said God with a chuckle, "I suppose I should have known. You always were the adventuresome one."

Then God's expression changed. "There's only one thing..."

"What?" asked the Little Soul.

"Well, there is nothing else but the Light. You see, I created nothing but what you are; and so, there is no easy way for you to experience yourself as Who You Are, since there is nothing that you are not."

"Huh?" said the Little Soul, who was now a little confused.

"Think of it this way," said God. "You are like a candle in the Sun. Oh, you're there all right. Along with a million, gazillion other candles who make up the Sun. And the sun would not be the Sun without you. Nay, it would be a sun without one of its candles...and that would not be the Sun at all; for it would not shine as brightly. Yet, how to know yourself as the Light when you are amidst the Light -that is the question."

"Well," the Little Soul perked up, "you're God. Think of something!"

Once more God smiled. "I already have," God said. "Since you cannot see yourself as the Light when you are in the Light, we'll surround you with darkness."

"What's darkness?" the Little Soul asked.

God replied, "It is that which you are not."

"Will I be afraid of the dark?" cried the Little Soul.

"Only if you choose to be," God answered. "There is nothing, really, to be afraid of, unless you decide that there is. You see, we are making it all up. We are pretending."

"Oh," said the Little Soul, and felt better already.

Then God explained that, in order to experience anything at all, the exact opposite of it will appear. "It is a great gift," God said, "because without it, you could not know what anything is like. You could not know Warm without Cold, Up without Down, Fast without Slow. You could not know Left without Right, Here without There, Now without Then."

"And so," God concluded, "when you are surrounded with darkness, do not shake your fist and raise your voice and curse the darkness. Rather be a Light unto the darkness, and don't be mad about it. Then you will know Who You Really Are, and all others will know, too. Let your Light shine so that everyone will know how special you are!"

"You mean it's okay to let others see how special I am?" asked the Little Soul.

"Of course!" God chuckled. "It's very okay! But remember,'special' does not mean 'better.' Everybody is special, each in their own way! Yet many others have forgotten that. They will see that it is okay for them to be special only when you see that it is okay for you to be special."

"Wow," said the Little Soul, dancing and skipping and laughing and jumping with joy. "I can be as special as I want to be!"

"Yes, and you can start right now," said God, who was dancing and skipping and laughing right along with the Little Soul.

"What part of special do you want to be?"

"What part of special?" the Little Soul repeated. "I don't understand."

"Well," God explained, "being the Light is being special, and being special has a lot of parts to it. It is special to be kind. It is special to be gentle. It is special to be creative. It is special to be patient. Can you think of any other ways it is special to be?"

The Little Soul sat quietly for a moment. "I can think of lots of ways to be special!" the Little Soul then exclaimed. "It is special to be helpful. It is special to be sharing. It is special to be friendly. It is special to be considerate of others!"

"Yes!" God agreed, "and you can be all of those things, or any part of special you wish to be, at any moment. That's what it means to be the Light."

"I know what I want to be, I know what I want to be!" the Little Soul announced with great excitement. "I want to be the part of special called 'forgiving'. Isn't it special to be forgiving?"

"Oh, yes," God assured the Little Soul. "That is very special."

"Okay," said the Little Soul. "That's what I want to be. I want to be forgiving. I want to experience myself as that."

"Good," said God, "but there's one thing you should know."

The Little Soul was becoming a bit impatient now. It always seemed as though there were some complication.

"What is it?" the Little Soul sighed.

"There is no one to forgive."

"No one?" The Little Soul could hardly believe what had been said.

"No one!" God repeated. "Everything I have made is perfect. There is not a single soul in all creation less perfect than you. Look around you."

It was then that the Little Soul realized a large crowd had gathered. Souls had come from far and wide ~ from all over the Kingdom ~ for the word had gone forth that the Little Soul was having this extraordinary conversation with God, and everyone wanted to hear what they were saying. Looking at the countless other souls gathered there, the Little Soul had to agree. None appeared less wonderful, less magnificent, or less perfect than the Little Soul itself. Such was the wonder of the souls gathered around, and so bright was their Light, that the Little Soul could scarcely gaze upon them.

"Who, then, to forgive?" asked God.

"Boy, this is going to be no fun at all!" grumbled the Little Soul. "I wanted to experience myself as One Who Forgives. I wanted to know what that part of special felt like."

And the Little Soul learned what it must feel like to be sad. But just then a Friendly Soul stepped forward from the crowd.

"Not to worry, Little Soul," the Friendly Soul said, "I will help you."

"You will?" the Little Soul brightened. "But what can you do?"

"Why, I can give you someone to forgive!"

"You can?"

"Certainly!" chirped the Friendly Soul. "I can come into your next lifetime and do something for you to forgive."

"But why? Why would you do that?" the Little Soul asked. "You, who are a Being of such utter perfection! You, who vibrate with such a speed that it creates a Light so bright that I can hardly gaze upon you! What could cause you to want to slow down your vibration to such a speed that your bright Light would become dark and dense? What could cause you ~ who are so light that you dance upon the stars and move through the Kingdom with the speed of your thought--to come into my life and make yourself so heavy that you could do this bad thing?"

"Simple," the Friendly Soul said. "I would do it because I love you."

The Little Soul seemed surprised at the answer.

"Don't be so amazed," said the Friendly Soul, "you have done the same thing for me. Don't you remember? Oh, we have danced together, you and I, many times. Through the eons and across all the ages have we danced. Across all time and in many places have we played together. You just don't remember."

"We have both been All Of It. We have been the Up and the Down of it, the Left and the Right of it. We have been the Here and the There of it, the Now and the Then of it. We have been the male and the female, the good and the bad; we have both been the victim and the villain of it."

"Thus have we come together, you and I, many times before; each bringing to the other the exact and perfect opportunity to Express and to Experience Who We Really Are. And so," the Friendly Soul explained further, "I will come into your next lifetime and be the 'bad one' this time. I will do something really terrible, and then you can experience yourself as the One Who Forgives.

"But what will you do?" the Little Soul asked, just a little nervously, "that will be so terrible?"

"Oh," replied the Friendly Soul with a twinkle, "we'll think of something."

Then the Friendly Soul seemed to turn serious, and said in a quiet voice, "You are right about one thing, you know."

"What is that?" the Little Soul wanted to know.

"I will have to slow down my vibration and become very heavy to do this not-so-nice thing. I will have to pretend to be something very unlike myself. And so, I have but one favour to ask of you in return."

"Oh, anything, anything!" cried the Little Soul, and began to dance and sing, "I get to be forgiving, I get to be forgiving!"

Then the Little Soul saw that the Friendly Soul was remaining very quiet.

"What is it?" the Little Soul asked. "What can I do for you? You are such an angel to be willing to do this for me!"

"Of course this Friendly Soul is an angel!" God interrupted. "Everyone is! Always remember: I have sent you nothing but angels."

And so the Little Soul wanted more than ever to grant the Friendly Soul's request. "What can I do for you?" the Little Soul asked again.

"In the moment that I strike you and smite you," the Friendly Soul replied, "in the moment that I do the worst to you that you could possible imagine ~ in that very moment..."

"Yes?" the Little Soul interrupted, "yes...?""Remember Who I Really Am."

"Oh, I will!" cried the Little Soul, "I promise! I will always remember you as I see you right here, right now!"

"Good," said the Friendly Soul, "because, you see, I will have been pretending so hard, I will have forgotten myself. And if you do not remember me as I really am, I may not be able to remember for a very long time. And if I forget Who I Am, you may even forget Who You Are, and we will both be lost. Then we will need another soul to come along and remind us both of Who We Are."

"No, we won't!" the Little Soul promised again. "I will remember you! And I will thank you for bringing me this gift ~ the chance to experience myself as Who I Am.

" And so, the agreement was made. And the Little Soul went forth into a new lifetime, excited to be the Light, which was very special, and excited to be that part of special called Forgiveness.

And the Little Soul waited anxiously to be able to experience itself as Forgiveness, and to thank whatever other soul made it possible. And at all the moments in that new lifetime, whenever a new soul appeared on the scene, whether that new soul brought joy or sadness--and especially if it brought sadness--the Little Soul thought of what God had said.

"Always remember," God had smiled, "I have sent you nothing but angels."


by Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations With God

day 23. my eye.

very strange. my eye left hurts. its reacting to light. throbbing from the inside. totally weird. hard to look at the computer screen. must stop. i've decided that my brain must be re-wiring.
anybody out there...can tell me something. this is very odd.

had a great day. went to see a dump in venice though. disappointing.
tomorrow i hike. and rest the eye.

love you. gozi

day 22. move mountains.

Day 21. the best life arrives in LA.

i love it. i'm back in california and love. love. loving it. since i arrived i haven't been outside for more than an a couple of hours though. why?

i'm taking a course this weekend on neuro linguistic programming. and its just what it sounds like. its about how language can program or "de"program behaviours. i love language and as an actor its an amazing study. "nlp" was designed as a tool to use language to improve the quality of peoples lives.
fascinating. however, i'm spending most of my days in a conference room with no windows - but let me tell you the breaks and lunch hours spent under the clear blue california sky completely compensate for the fluorescent lights.

so its day 21 have we established what is going on here? sometimes i'm not sure myself.
this a blog about my year in: living my BEST LIFE...hmmm. i realize quite an undertaking eh?
so i decided to break it down into a few tangible outcomes for the year.

let me start with the triathlon which...i would like to share is taking on a life of its own. its amazing what this goal has introduced into my life. its literally elevated so many conversations as this goal is ever present in my mind. in many ways this goal has 're-framed' my thinking about so many other things.

i have just signed up for a running clinic and looking for swimming lessons in cali next week. and oh man- i'm going to swim in the pacific ocean. terrifying and invigorating. yipeee and yikes.

the stephen lewis foundation is activating an amazing campaign called a dare to remember:

This October, dare to do something extraordinary for Africa. Join the Stephen Lewis Foundation and thousands of Canadians in the nationwide challenge, A Dare to Remember. Choose a dare - it could be funny, sporty, healthy - then ask others to sponsor you. Your support will help families and communities turn the tide of AIDS in Africa.

just click on this link for more information. and DARE YOURSELF TO DO SOMETHING AMAZING!! Dare your friends, your family...

i will post my Dare page in the next couple days...and i am rounding up fellow canadians in la (there are a lot of us) to join up. let's dare ourselves and REMEMBER.

anybody have a dare for me?
post it in the comments below.

anybody...
here we go.

live your best life.... i dare you.
love ngozi

day 18

packing today. tomorrow taking flight.

off to la. very early. see you in california.

pacific ocean here i come.

faith. day 17

Without faith a man can do nothing; with it all things are possible. - Sir William Osler

Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win. - Bernadette Devlin

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world. - Helen Keller

day 16. RUN THIS TOWN?!

today i wanted to post great work out songs and their corresponding videos.

i'm loving 'run this town' by jayz feat. kanye west and rihanna great song to work out to. they played it in spynga class today and it was transcendent. i pushed hard.

BUT do not dissect song or the lyrics. add the post apocalyptic video complete with garter belts, torches and and broken down bmw's and it's enough to not only make you wanna run out of town but to fall off the grid completely.


don't get me wrong everyone looks 'cool'. the guys look tough. rihanna is beautiful and very sexy. i'm just not sure what exactly it is that they would be running? and why do they have bullets strung around their necks and wrapped around theirs hips?

strings of bullets are always used for bad things. seriously. and i think the last thing that jay-z's fans from compton to the congo need to see is "hov" with bullets strapped around his neck. these images give tools to bad people to teach kids to do bad things too.


maybe a new image of 'running a town'. building a well, maybe a school? providing health care? just a thought. i think that you can look very tough and sexy doing all of the above.


(i searched for images of rappers building homes or wells...i found none. i'm sure they exist...i hope they exist. i just couldn't find any. i guess i will have to make that happen. more. a lot more.)

um ya. that's about as far as i got with my list of workout songs.

love you
ngozi

day 15.

believe. when you step out. the bridge will appear.

great quote about friends...

day14
today held a reading of a new piece i'm co-writing. some friends (who also happen to be VERY talented actors) came out to help bring the piece to life. as an actor hearing the words aloud is important to my process. toronto is full of so much amazing talent. no kidding. i was in such awe today. they just read and brought the piece to life. my imagination started firing off right away!

thank you so much to all my friends who came out to support.
friends are so awesome!
any one have a great quote on friends? (INSERT HERE)
would love to hear ones you love...

off to LA in four days...

thank you

STRONG STUFF. day 12.

what a week. this week was full of (what appeared to be-) disappointments. and i know you've heard me say before that disappointment is a function of our expectations. and i will admit. i had some...things that i thought would go through for sure didn't go through. and the rain. i'm not a girl who is bothered by the weather. i just didn't want to leave the house...it's unnatural
the angel wings yesterday were a reminder to myself of just what i'm doing here. i stuck to my commitments. kept to the schedule. although as you know- i didn't feel like it. but lucky me. the schedule that i get to sick to is what? ways for me to improve my life experience. ways to expand my ability to give. not a bad way to spend your time. oh yes. i am very fortunate. then i remembered the grandmother's i met at GAPA (grandmothers against poverty and aids). and the schedule they keep. up at 5am to walk miles to get there grandchildren to school. i remember one grandmother who looked at me and said -"we are made of STRONG STUFF". and when she 'we' she meant me too. (which amazed me btw) and there it is- perspective. the world around me looked so different. the rain looked beautiful in the glimmering puddles, it danced. my fantastic warm boots and wool sweater were keeping me warm.
oh yes. i am extremely fortunate. my grandmother who is 92 and still rocking strong and my african grandmothers remind me to keep a sharp eye out and train myself to see the blessings.

day 11.