I'm Back.

Well the story is a simple one. It goes like this:
Tova, (my best friend) said to me, "What happened to your blog man?" I said, "I'm taking a break." Then I read her my last post- she said, "You can't do that, you on a best life break too?" And that was pretty much that. I'm BACK! My well needed rest turned into a hibernation. I'm back in Toronto from California and avoiding the cold has kept me inside. Mostly in bed, under the blankets and um...eating cookies. Far cry from the Griffith Park. They say a picture says a thousand words...

the scenery from the top at sunset...

then there's...

peculiar to see a mannequin in a Snuggie. I was scared.

then again there is truth and beauty everywhere you look...

a tree that has lost it leaves adorned in light.

what is it that you may be taking for granted?
so the best life continues. it lives in the art of being grateful.
i went skating in the freezing cold today with my nephews. warmed by their hugs and kisses.

my niece sajira says - stay warm.

love you.

i am full of gratitude. truly. i just finished the second part of the NLP (neural linguistic programming) course today. it was such an amazing expansive experience...
i am bursting with excitement.

for now i must rest. i've learned recently that the more i am in motion, the more stillness is neccesary.

there is no breath without the space in between.

forever one of my favorite passages, "be still, and know that i am God".
still as a mountain. meanwhile, precious gifts are being formed and the world unfolds.
continued blessings
ngozi


cape town sept. 2009

day 38 and 39

Albert Einstein: "I want to know all Gods thoughts; all the rest are just details."

day 37.

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

day 36. to love.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi

artwork by aly kourouma - he has an art show coming up at the Zanzibar in LA this thursday night. definitely worth the checking out if you're in town

day 35.

the substance of the universe is conciousness.

day 32.

"the best way out is through." robert frost

instead of going through it.
how about growing through it...

day 30. one month in. 11 to go...

wow. it's been a month. there's something special about counting each day of a year. i'm finding that it changes the we that i see time. the way i experience a month, week, an hour. i am feeling extra ethereal today.
today was glorious. i got a lot of work done. my eye is much better and my third eye is opening + and i had one of the best massages of my life.
from the darkness to the light. indeed. when we look into eyes of another soul...consider for a moment, the same life force that beats their heart is beating your heart. wow. how can that be? and i have nothing to do with that life force? but i am a part of it.


life is so precious. transient yet permanent. fleeting and still everlasting.

a present and reminder:

STAY GOLD
thanks for staying with me
lovingly,
ngozi

day 28. 29. oh my eye...

my mommy always says to "take care of your health first". and for a statement that couldn't be more true- one has to wonder why this is something that we so rarely do. seriously, when your health goes, just about everything falls apart.
if you were wondering where i was yesterday i was in bed. remember on day 23 when i mentioned that my eye was bothering me...well i didn't get it checked out. and yesterday i couldn't open my eye without throbbing pain. the doctor wasn't available until today(tuesday) so yesterday i spent the day in darkness. no reading, no writing, no music, nothing. i spent the day feeling pretty sorry for myself. with little spurts of being very grateful for my health which is usually pretty good.
finally, i went to doctor and he said i had iritis.



inflammation of the eye. he gave me a series of eye drops and told me to relax. he asked me to go to something i enjoy. he said take care of myself...
oh ya! take care of myself. i've been so busy trying to "make something of myself" i haven't been taking time to enjoy.
hey, wait a minute i'm in LA, i'm living my dream. i'm blessed. life is beautiful- just as it is. the quest for better is nothing if its not fun.

i booked an acting job and i barely even celebrated! (more on that later, i fly to romania at the end of the month. really looking fwd to that)

SO i went on a hike. yeah! i ran up the hill a bit. double yeah! and tonight a friend took me out to dinner triple yeah!

tomorrow i go for a massage...

day 28. up and at em

this past week has been about getting my bearings, looking for a place out here and most importantly making myself available to the greatest good. and its been disorienting. making yourself available for me- means listening to that quiet truthful voice inside of you and actually doing what it says! most of us get clear instruction and then proceed to ignore it. my question is why is that? what programming is responsible for the human condition (in the west) that sells us all on the idea of "success", then proceeds to pacify us into complacency. writing this blog has been encouraging me, even forcing me to ask myself - What is my BEST LIFE? What does that mean to me...really. And I mean truthfully. What is your Best Life? Am I living it? And if not- why not? Very special caveat here. Ask YOURSELF and then ask yourself where those values came from, then ask yourself again what it means to be living your best life. i LOVE it! it feels good to stretch yourself.

i find myself tongue tied. and amazed at what is coming up.
so here's what is up next...

this week i train:

exercise/train in the canyons 3-4times
couple of pure cardio sessions at the y
that's for the run...

a couple (maybe 3) yas classes (yoga and spinning)
that's for the ride


fingers crossed that i can find a new swim school asap
that's for the swim

it's all for the good. no, for the great!

as an artist
this week i write
meet with my acting coach
finish my one-pagers for the projects i'm producing in africa
so much more
but that's it for now...


enjoy your best life.
lovingly-
ngozi

day 26.

"i don't know the key to success, but i know the key to failure is trying to be please everybody" bill cosby.

day 25.

i am so happy and grateful.

day 24. little soul in the sun.

in searching for an example today i asked a friend if he believed in God.
he said no. i was stumped. the example was not going to work if he didn't 'believe' we never got into the higher power discussion. i'm sure we will.
but this is a short story for him and all us. by neale donald walsch.
whether we believe or not. a parable so we remember...

Once upon no time, there was a little Soul who said to God, "I know who I am."

And God said, "That's wonderful! Who are you?"

And the Little Soul shouted, "I'm the Light!"

God smiled a big smile. "That's right!" God exclaimed. "You are the Light."

The Little Soul was so happy, for it had figured out what all the souls in the Kingdom were there to figure out.

"Wow," said the Little Soul, "this is really cool!"

But soon, knowing who it was was not enough. The Little Soul felt stirrings inside, and now wanted to be who it was. And so the Little Soul went back to God (which is not a bad idea for all souls who want to be Who They Really Are) and said,

"Hi, God! Now that I know Who I am, is it okay for me to be it?"

And God said, "You mean you want to be Who You Already Are?"

"Well," replied the Little Soul," it's one thing to know Who I Am, and another thing altogether to actually be it. I want to feel what it's like to be the Light!"

"But you already are the Light," God repeated, smiling again.

"Yes, but I want to see what that feels like!" cried the Little Soul.

"Well," said God with a chuckle, "I suppose I should have known. You always were the adventuresome one."

Then God's expression changed. "There's only one thing..."

"What?" asked the Little Soul.

"Well, there is nothing else but the Light. You see, I created nothing but what you are; and so, there is no easy way for you to experience yourself as Who You Are, since there is nothing that you are not."

"Huh?" said the Little Soul, who was now a little confused.

"Think of it this way," said God. "You are like a candle in the Sun. Oh, you're there all right. Along with a million, gazillion other candles who make up the Sun. And the sun would not be the Sun without you. Nay, it would be a sun without one of its candles...and that would not be the Sun at all; for it would not shine as brightly. Yet, how to know yourself as the Light when you are amidst the Light -that is the question."

"Well," the Little Soul perked up, "you're God. Think of something!"

Once more God smiled. "I already have," God said. "Since you cannot see yourself as the Light when you are in the Light, we'll surround you with darkness."

"What's darkness?" the Little Soul asked.

God replied, "It is that which you are not."

"Will I be afraid of the dark?" cried the Little Soul.

"Only if you choose to be," God answered. "There is nothing, really, to be afraid of, unless you decide that there is. You see, we are making it all up. We are pretending."

"Oh," said the Little Soul, and felt better already.

Then God explained that, in order to experience anything at all, the exact opposite of it will appear. "It is a great gift," God said, "because without it, you could not know what anything is like. You could not know Warm without Cold, Up without Down, Fast without Slow. You could not know Left without Right, Here without There, Now without Then."

"And so," God concluded, "when you are surrounded with darkness, do not shake your fist and raise your voice and curse the darkness. Rather be a Light unto the darkness, and don't be mad about it. Then you will know Who You Really Are, and all others will know, too. Let your Light shine so that everyone will know how special you are!"

"You mean it's okay to let others see how special I am?" asked the Little Soul.

"Of course!" God chuckled. "It's very okay! But remember,'special' does not mean 'better.' Everybody is special, each in their own way! Yet many others have forgotten that. They will see that it is okay for them to be special only when you see that it is okay for you to be special."

"Wow," said the Little Soul, dancing and skipping and laughing and jumping with joy. "I can be as special as I want to be!"

"Yes, and you can start right now," said God, who was dancing and skipping and laughing right along with the Little Soul.

"What part of special do you want to be?"

"What part of special?" the Little Soul repeated. "I don't understand."

"Well," God explained, "being the Light is being special, and being special has a lot of parts to it. It is special to be kind. It is special to be gentle. It is special to be creative. It is special to be patient. Can you think of any other ways it is special to be?"

The Little Soul sat quietly for a moment. "I can think of lots of ways to be special!" the Little Soul then exclaimed. "It is special to be helpful. It is special to be sharing. It is special to be friendly. It is special to be considerate of others!"

"Yes!" God agreed, "and you can be all of those things, or any part of special you wish to be, at any moment. That's what it means to be the Light."

"I know what I want to be, I know what I want to be!" the Little Soul announced with great excitement. "I want to be the part of special called 'forgiving'. Isn't it special to be forgiving?"

"Oh, yes," God assured the Little Soul. "That is very special."

"Okay," said the Little Soul. "That's what I want to be. I want to be forgiving. I want to experience myself as that."

"Good," said God, "but there's one thing you should know."

The Little Soul was becoming a bit impatient now. It always seemed as though there were some complication.

"What is it?" the Little Soul sighed.

"There is no one to forgive."

"No one?" The Little Soul could hardly believe what had been said.

"No one!" God repeated. "Everything I have made is perfect. There is not a single soul in all creation less perfect than you. Look around you."

It was then that the Little Soul realized a large crowd had gathered. Souls had come from far and wide ~ from all over the Kingdom ~ for the word had gone forth that the Little Soul was having this extraordinary conversation with God, and everyone wanted to hear what they were saying. Looking at the countless other souls gathered there, the Little Soul had to agree. None appeared less wonderful, less magnificent, or less perfect than the Little Soul itself. Such was the wonder of the souls gathered around, and so bright was their Light, that the Little Soul could scarcely gaze upon them.

"Who, then, to forgive?" asked God.

"Boy, this is going to be no fun at all!" grumbled the Little Soul. "I wanted to experience myself as One Who Forgives. I wanted to know what that part of special felt like."

And the Little Soul learned what it must feel like to be sad. But just then a Friendly Soul stepped forward from the crowd.

"Not to worry, Little Soul," the Friendly Soul said, "I will help you."

"You will?" the Little Soul brightened. "But what can you do?"

"Why, I can give you someone to forgive!"

"You can?"

"Certainly!" chirped the Friendly Soul. "I can come into your next lifetime and do something for you to forgive."

"But why? Why would you do that?" the Little Soul asked. "You, who are a Being of such utter perfection! You, who vibrate with such a speed that it creates a Light so bright that I can hardly gaze upon you! What could cause you to want to slow down your vibration to such a speed that your bright Light would become dark and dense? What could cause you ~ who are so light that you dance upon the stars and move through the Kingdom with the speed of your thought--to come into my life and make yourself so heavy that you could do this bad thing?"

"Simple," the Friendly Soul said. "I would do it because I love you."

The Little Soul seemed surprised at the answer.

"Don't be so amazed," said the Friendly Soul, "you have done the same thing for me. Don't you remember? Oh, we have danced together, you and I, many times. Through the eons and across all the ages have we danced. Across all time and in many places have we played together. You just don't remember."

"We have both been All Of It. We have been the Up and the Down of it, the Left and the Right of it. We have been the Here and the There of it, the Now and the Then of it. We have been the male and the female, the good and the bad; we have both been the victim and the villain of it."

"Thus have we come together, you and I, many times before; each bringing to the other the exact and perfect opportunity to Express and to Experience Who We Really Are. And so," the Friendly Soul explained further, "I will come into your next lifetime and be the 'bad one' this time. I will do something really terrible, and then you can experience yourself as the One Who Forgives.

"But what will you do?" the Little Soul asked, just a little nervously, "that will be so terrible?"

"Oh," replied the Friendly Soul with a twinkle, "we'll think of something."

Then the Friendly Soul seemed to turn serious, and said in a quiet voice, "You are right about one thing, you know."

"What is that?" the Little Soul wanted to know.

"I will have to slow down my vibration and become very heavy to do this not-so-nice thing. I will have to pretend to be something very unlike myself. And so, I have but one favour to ask of you in return."

"Oh, anything, anything!" cried the Little Soul, and began to dance and sing, "I get to be forgiving, I get to be forgiving!"

Then the Little Soul saw that the Friendly Soul was remaining very quiet.

"What is it?" the Little Soul asked. "What can I do for you? You are such an angel to be willing to do this for me!"

"Of course this Friendly Soul is an angel!" God interrupted. "Everyone is! Always remember: I have sent you nothing but angels."

And so the Little Soul wanted more than ever to grant the Friendly Soul's request. "What can I do for you?" the Little Soul asked again.

"In the moment that I strike you and smite you," the Friendly Soul replied, "in the moment that I do the worst to you that you could possible imagine ~ in that very moment..."

"Yes?" the Little Soul interrupted, "yes...?""Remember Who I Really Am."

"Oh, I will!" cried the Little Soul, "I promise! I will always remember you as I see you right here, right now!"

"Good," said the Friendly Soul, "because, you see, I will have been pretending so hard, I will have forgotten myself. And if you do not remember me as I really am, I may not be able to remember for a very long time. And if I forget Who I Am, you may even forget Who You Are, and we will both be lost. Then we will need another soul to come along and remind us both of Who We Are."

"No, we won't!" the Little Soul promised again. "I will remember you! And I will thank you for bringing me this gift ~ the chance to experience myself as Who I Am.

" And so, the agreement was made. And the Little Soul went forth into a new lifetime, excited to be the Light, which was very special, and excited to be that part of special called Forgiveness.

And the Little Soul waited anxiously to be able to experience itself as Forgiveness, and to thank whatever other soul made it possible. And at all the moments in that new lifetime, whenever a new soul appeared on the scene, whether that new soul brought joy or sadness--and especially if it brought sadness--the Little Soul thought of what God had said.

"Always remember," God had smiled, "I have sent you nothing but angels."


by Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations With God

day 23. my eye.

very strange. my eye left hurts. its reacting to light. throbbing from the inside. totally weird. hard to look at the computer screen. must stop. i've decided that my brain must be re-wiring.
anybody out there...can tell me something. this is very odd.

had a great day. went to see a dump in venice though. disappointing.
tomorrow i hike. and rest the eye.

love you. gozi

day 22. move mountains.

Day 21. the best life arrives in LA.

i love it. i'm back in california and love. love. loving it. since i arrived i haven't been outside for more than an a couple of hours though. why?

i'm taking a course this weekend on neuro linguistic programming. and its just what it sounds like. its about how language can program or "de"program behaviours. i love language and as an actor its an amazing study. "nlp" was designed as a tool to use language to improve the quality of peoples lives.
fascinating. however, i'm spending most of my days in a conference room with no windows - but let me tell you the breaks and lunch hours spent under the clear blue california sky completely compensate for the fluorescent lights.

so its day 21 have we established what is going on here? sometimes i'm not sure myself.
this a blog about my year in: living my BEST LIFE...hmmm. i realize quite an undertaking eh?
so i decided to break it down into a few tangible outcomes for the year.

let me start with the triathlon which...i would like to share is taking on a life of its own. its amazing what this goal has introduced into my life. its literally elevated so many conversations as this goal is ever present in my mind. in many ways this goal has 're-framed' my thinking about so many other things.

i have just signed up for a running clinic and looking for swimming lessons in cali next week. and oh man- i'm going to swim in the pacific ocean. terrifying and invigorating. yipeee and yikes.

the stephen lewis foundation is activating an amazing campaign called a dare to remember:

This October, dare to do something extraordinary for Africa. Join the Stephen Lewis Foundation and thousands of Canadians in the nationwide challenge, A Dare to Remember. Choose a dare - it could be funny, sporty, healthy - then ask others to sponsor you. Your support will help families and communities turn the tide of AIDS in Africa.

just click on this link for more information. and DARE YOURSELF TO DO SOMETHING AMAZING!! Dare your friends, your family...

i will post my Dare page in the next couple days...and i am rounding up fellow canadians in la (there are a lot of us) to join up. let's dare ourselves and REMEMBER.

anybody have a dare for me?
post it in the comments below.

anybody...
here we go.

live your best life.... i dare you.
love ngozi

day 18

packing today. tomorrow taking flight.

off to la. very early. see you in california.

pacific ocean here i come.

faith. day 17

Without faith a man can do nothing; with it all things are possible. - Sir William Osler

Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win. - Bernadette Devlin

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world. - Helen Keller

day 16. RUN THIS TOWN?!

today i wanted to post great work out songs and their corresponding videos.

i'm loving 'run this town' by jayz feat. kanye west and rihanna great song to work out to. they played it in spynga class today and it was transcendent. i pushed hard.

BUT do not dissect song or the lyrics. add the post apocalyptic video complete with garter belts, torches and and broken down bmw's and it's enough to not only make you wanna run out of town but to fall off the grid completely.


don't get me wrong everyone looks 'cool'. the guys look tough. rihanna is beautiful and very sexy. i'm just not sure what exactly it is that they would be running? and why do they have bullets strung around their necks and wrapped around theirs hips?

strings of bullets are always used for bad things. seriously. and i think the last thing that jay-z's fans from compton to the congo need to see is "hov" with bullets strapped around his neck. these images give tools to bad people to teach kids to do bad things too.


maybe a new image of 'running a town'. building a well, maybe a school? providing health care? just a thought. i think that you can look very tough and sexy doing all of the above.


(i searched for images of rappers building homes or wells...i found none. i'm sure they exist...i hope they exist. i just couldn't find any. i guess i will have to make that happen. more. a lot more.)

um ya. that's about as far as i got with my list of workout songs.

love you
ngozi

day 15.

believe. when you step out. the bridge will appear.

great quote about friends...

day14
today held a reading of a new piece i'm co-writing. some friends (who also happen to be VERY talented actors) came out to help bring the piece to life. as an actor hearing the words aloud is important to my process. toronto is full of so much amazing talent. no kidding. i was in such awe today. they just read and brought the piece to life. my imagination started firing off right away!

thank you so much to all my friends who came out to support.
friends are so awesome!
any one have a great quote on friends? (INSERT HERE)
would love to hear ones you love...

off to LA in four days...

thank you

STRONG STUFF. day 12.

what a week. this week was full of (what appeared to be-) disappointments. and i know you've heard me say before that disappointment is a function of our expectations. and i will admit. i had some...things that i thought would go through for sure didn't go through. and the rain. i'm not a girl who is bothered by the weather. i just didn't want to leave the house...it's unnatural
the angel wings yesterday were a reminder to myself of just what i'm doing here. i stuck to my commitments. kept to the schedule. although as you know- i didn't feel like it. but lucky me. the schedule that i get to sick to is what? ways for me to improve my life experience. ways to expand my ability to give. not a bad way to spend your time. oh yes. i am very fortunate. then i remembered the grandmother's i met at GAPA (grandmothers against poverty and aids). and the schedule they keep. up at 5am to walk miles to get there grandchildren to school. i remember one grandmother who looked at me and said -"we are made of STRONG STUFF". and when she 'we' she meant me too. (which amazed me btw) and there it is- perspective. the world around me looked so different. the rain looked beautiful in the glimmering puddles, it danced. my fantastic warm boots and wool sweater were keeping me warm.
oh yes. i am extremely fortunate. my grandmother who is 92 and still rocking strong and my african grandmothers remind me to keep a sharp eye out and train myself to see the blessings.

day 11.

commitment. day 10.

i was in a meeting yesterday and someone asked me why i was doing 'this'. (this referring to the triathlon, being that- i'm just learning how to swim and i just learned how to spell the word triathlon - further more "the best life" in these first 10days has been about be keeping my head above water)
anyway, i was a bit stumped. then i remembered one of the most amazing stories i had ever seen.
this story planted the seed.
my inspiration. please check out the link.
its only 10 days in and i realize- a year is short. only 355 days left. watch as the numbers melt away. its no cliche, life is short. and yet, you can transform your life in a year - through commitment. i promise you i did NOT feel like swimming today. its cold and wet in toronto. then i remembered my commitment. and i thought. hmmm. we have a choice - your life can be an inspiration or not. say "inspiration" in this day and age we usually think of those 'other people' who make speeches or lead marches. but what about our day to day lives? through our personal choices we can all be a light in this world. dick hoyt (the father in the clip) did it for his son and he has inspired millions. for me it was going to the lesson & i did 2 laps! (very big deal for me)

what is your reason why? to stretch yourself? to keep your commitments?
again, what would this world look like if we all did our best? i want to know.
for starters what will this world look like when i do my best...?


love you ngozi

day 9. what's your best?

what is your best?
did you do your best today?
i heard it said that true nobility is not being better than someone else its being better than your previous self.
how did you do today?

day 8. let it be.

a gentle breeze of melancholy swept in with the rain today.
i leave toronto in 7 days. i'm happy about that. but not so happy about the the pile of to do's that seems to be adding up. + yesterday driving around the city there were so many things to love. a marathon. a chinese festival at queen's park. lovely. i woke up to jog this morning but i was rained in. what to do in case of rain? i slept. i worked. i swam. i worked. i met with a beautiful wide-eye girl who asked me for direction. i said follow your heart...then i told her how to get a good agent. ?not sure how i felt about that.? i went to see the informant with a great friend of mine. a great movie. but strangely disturbing. maybe that's why i feel...off.

i love the beatles. really i love the beatles.
a perfect song for right now.


let it be.

tomorrow:

7am jog
8am breakfast
9am meeting at home. then
10am meeting
1pm meeting
3 office
430pm meeting
730 spynga

...i promise to eat in there somewhere.
today was not so great i ate to BOXES of nut thins and a veggie burger.
ya. gotta do better than that.

SISTERHOOD. day 6 and 7 and 359 to go...

well yesterday i took 'the day off' from blogging. i actually missed it.
but i spent the day getting myself organized. no wait, i did that today. yesterday (saturday) i stayed in bed for most of the day. i went to spynga then came home and slept. it's amazing how much time you have on your hands when you eliminate bad habits from your life. seriously. think about it.

but today, i woke up went to a work out class with tova. went grocery shopping. cleaned my room. did laundry. and participated in THE CANADIAN BLACK FILM FESTIVAL where my short film titled 'the first time' was screened before, Embracing 'da Kink.
I watched that documentary for the first time again today.

wow. da Kink in my Hair. from 2002 to 2009 wow. what a journey. i rarely think about what we've done or even talk about it. i still feel as though i am moving forward and there is so much more to come. that constant focus leaves little time to reflect. but today, watching it reminded me of what i believe.

i DO believe in sisterhood & friendship and what we can accomplish when we support one another. and really my philosophy is to give, give give, what you want to receive. and its true over the course of time i have been disappointed at times but what i know for sure is when you give of yourself- the joy of giving can never be taken away from you. giving without expectations. and disappointment is a function of our expectations...
so give freely.


in my short film 'the first time' i talk to two very unlikely subjects about their first sexual encounter...i was asked to do more with that. i will. because, talking - really talking to each other is so healing. telling each other the truth about our experiences sharing with each other.

i sat on a panel afterward and someone asked us if we were healed. i was stumped as to how to answer that question. i feel healthy you see. but i know the journey continues. and the life journey is always about getting better. not getting better than someone else. but get better than your former self. so that's today. and tomorrow...

monday:
7am wake up
715 - 8am jog
8-830 shower and dress
830-9am breakfast
930 - 2pm arrive in office - work
11am snack/1pm lunch
2pm leave for swimming
3pm swimming lesson
430-530pm work from home
530pm mentor meeting

here's to a five star week
looking fwd to monday morning
ngozi

361-life as a swimming lesson

in swim class today my instructor- who speaks to me like i'm a 5 year old (imagine marry poppins as an 18 year old guy) which i don't mind at all, he's very sweet, shared two pieces of insight with me. the first was this,"so you say you want to do a triathlon - you don't have to do it any specific way you can do the doggie paddle..." i laughed out loud. but then i thought hey he's right. its not always about style its about getting the job done. the second golden nugget was then he explained why breathing is so important. he explained, if you don't breathe under water (breathe out) you get tried because your keeping the carbon dioxide in your lungs and that's what you don't need. so it makes you tired.
do you see the genius there? take in what you need. let go of what you don't. breathe out. hanging on to what you don't need just weighs you down.

i just saw secrets of a black boy. congratulations to everyone involved in the show. check out the link and check out the show it great seeing 7 black men on stage expressing themselves.

saturday is my day off so i won't be blogging tomorrow.
i will however be creating a schedule for myself. lots to do before i head back to la.
and if i want to start eating anything other than starbucks oatmeal i need a plan.

shine on. letting go of everything that doesn't serve you.
gozi

362 days to go. turbulence. mid-stream

today was one of those days.
i stayed up working until 3am preparing materials for a meeting today with a network...i was very excited. i had so much on my mind i didn't fall asleep until 4am or so. i woke up just before 8am. i went into the office for about 1030am ready to dig into a great day of work as my meeting was scheduled for 245pm. i met with our new intern and ran through the list of our to-do's sometime around 1130am i slipped way to use the lady's room. mid-stream i get a knock on the door 'ngozi it's the phone.' in my mind i'm like...what the heck? can i not pee in peace? - i respond 'i'm busy can you take a message?', reply 'its the network your meeting is scheduled or 11am and everyone is waiting for you..." what the @#ck? huh?
there are many things worse than being interrupted while using the bathroom but that doesn't make it any less enjoyable. and being interrupted mind stream to be informed that somewhere there is a room full of execs waiting on you for a meeting that you think is 3 hours later. really not good. any who...
turns out the meeting was entered into my schedule incorrectly. i did not book the meeting. i just went by what was in my computer. what was in my computer was wrong (which was proven to me when i got the confirmation email for 11am fwd to me directly).
the day went down hill from there. my documents didn't print out correctly. my computer kept freezing. etc. etc.
find a silver lining? well with energy spinning around the way it was today i can only imagine that today meeting was better served being scheduled for next week. i was an honest mistake and i was completely out of my hands.
now- to anyone who is reading this still here is the great thing about this commitment.
because of the commitment i made - rather than sinking into ice cream when things went wrong today i was able to lean on the commitment to get me through the emotions of the day.

there are going to be bumps and hurdles. but the true measure is how we deal with the challenges that we face. i know we've all heard it before. but- question is how many of us remember those cliches when we need them? today was a great day. because even though it was full- and i mean full of frustrations...many i didn't bore you with-

i stood my ground. stayed committed. didn't freak on anyone about my disappointment and i feel fine. i sent cards and sincere apologies to everyone...i was mortified. but we took care of it and i shared a laugh with the network about the whole thing. somehow i think that meeting will be even better next week. so, there was so turbulence but i am still in flight.

thank you so much for listening.
lovingly
ngozi

severe showers and a chance of drowning.

day 363. okay. i took a swimming lesson today. if you click on the link you'll be able to identify their target market. (i don't think i'm who they have in mind). some of you may know already that i just learned how to swim last summer. or rather i thought i learned to swim last year. i haven't practiced. i can't really swim. yup. i'm doing a triathlon next year where i expect myself to swim a half mile in ocean water.
the swimming lesson was today at 3pm and apparently the only people who can take swimming lessons at that time of day are people like myself and toddlers. the toddlers watched me taking my private lesson and they looked just as confused as me.
however, in light of my blog yesterday i decided to push myself and i swam two laps without stopping. i did swallow some water and choked...just a little bit. that's when it occurred to me - i may actually drown in the pacific ocean next year. but hey, not a bad way to go. shall we talk for a minute about the hair issues that come with black girl trying to learn how to swim. its a good thing my hair is in braids but even still i will have to either shave my head or double my annual hair budget. they just don't make swim caps big enough!! after swimming i felt very great. i think its proven: when you do what is good for you...push yourself to go just a bit further. you feel better afterward. i feel in many ways as though i'm starting at the very beginning. which is fantastic.
i also worked for hours...i'm still working on a pitch that i'm giving to a network tomorrow. more on that after the meeting. and i spent several hours in a meeting working out the project that i will be producing in africa. again, more on that very soon. details to come-
we got another 362 days..
lovingly
ngozi

day 364 - happy birthday tova!!!

i have to say this is my first year with my birth date on facebook. and wow.
thank you so much for all the birthday wishes. my heart swoons. i really love you guys and i feel extremely fortunate. thank you truly. love you.

today, is tuesday the 22nd.

today is TOVA (one of my best friends) birthdays - we celebrated together and sang happy birthday. HAPPPPPY BIRTHDAY TOVA. LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

(that's us when we drove across country earlier this year. fun!)

i realize that to get a blog out everyday is going to take some planning. which leads me to another great realization. order and excellence go hand in hand. as much as life can seem random at times - i believe that there is order in the universe. and as such, a life of excellence also has order.

now- for this here (at times) dare i say, 'flaky' artist- order is something that i resist.

but living your best life (for me anyway) means commitment.

for example: i did a sypnga class today - (that's spinning and yoga) now here is the exciting thing about commitment. after a long day of meetings and deadlines i didn't feel like taking a class - but, because i made the commitment to do the class my commitment was there to overrule my inertia. so i went and felt great afterward.

after the singing i spent an unplanned hour on skype with a friend o' mine, unplanned but great and he gave me some useful advice on working out. which was (this is what i heard not exactly what he said) that exercise is not just about the goal it's about pushing yourself. which i love. and to be quite honest when it comes to exercise that is something i rarely do. or rather i have rarely done.

but again going back to commitment and process. stretching yourself in the moment is exciting and fun!

so now i am typing feverishly to get this out before midnight.

let me leave you with this a workout video with me, trey and TOMMY EUROPE that we did this in february. an oldie but a goody.

push yourself...i dare you.

check out: dare to remember.org in the link above.
a great initiative by the stephen lewis foundation...dare yourself and a friend.
more to come on that.

the party continues
love gozi

it's here. the first day of the rest of my life.

ok so today is the day. birthday to birthday. all in. this is the first day of the rest of my life. and that is something that we all have in common. i will blog everyday except saturdays and holidays. (and when i'm in a remote place where blogging is inaccessible).

while preparing for this journey i have been thinking a lot about what it means to be 'living your best life'. when i asked myself that question i discovered that i had lots of ambiguity in several different areas...

SO the first thing i needed to do was to NOT beat myself up about anything that i hadn't done yet, or that i meant to do. truly, and this can not be overstated - the only thing or time that exists is NOW.

the second, was to let go of any attachment to the outcome. now this is HUGE. let go of ANY attachment to the outcome. i found that extremely liberating. this doesn't mean that we do not make goals. but truly - the process is what its all about. also, desire is still ok, great even. but again its the attachment that strangles the process. and since the process is what it's all about...you get the point.

i can not fully described how liberating that feels. i highly recommend.
be proud of yourself. really love yourself. acknowledge that anything that you may perceive as failure or lack is just that your perception. and the great thing about your mind is that you can change it any time you want. simply - write a new program. just LET GO. let go of anything that is not serving your highest purpose.

3rd. make a plan. now plans change (and that's where flexibility comes in) but its great to have a plan mapped out so that what you want to accomplish becomes more tangible. i spoke to a friend of mine- he will be launching a business (today i believe - and today is an awesome day for launching anything) that deals specifically with helping people create and achieve their goals...he's very good at it. i chatted with him and when i was feeling tres confused as to where to start and he helped me start mapping stuff out.

oh yes GET HELP...we are not alone out here. just about all of us have a deep seeded desire to step into the highest version of ourselves. be a part of that conversation and quickly discover that so many people are not only on board, but also want to help...don't you?

i'm starting off with a mild cleanse (starting tomorrow - today i eat CAKE)
i begin training for the triathlon as well
i have 5 swimming lessons booked between now and when i go back to california.
i will be participating in the malibu triathlon next september. yeah!

i will be traveling back to africa and working there over the next year collaborating with artists there.

& i have a series and a film to get shot.

yes my dance card is pretty full. OH YES and i have a feeling that i am going to fall in LOVE this year. i've had this feeling before. i did or came really close- then panicked.

more details as the days unfold.


i will be so bold as to say this-
i can feel it!
by God's grace : this is going to be an OUTSTANDING YEAR! watch.
here we put the magic of intention and faith to work.

i just read MASSIVE CHANGE great book. that's the website.
here's the quote from the book:
the problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. WE NEED people who can DREAM of things that never were. JFK 1963.
i feel like i wrote this quote already. but that may have been a dream.

so here it is:
forgive. let go. dream. make a plan and GO.

day 1
364 to go.
we are in this thing together. whether we acknowledge that or not. so let's share and help each other out. time to break this thing called life wide open. everyday is your birthday so...

Happy Birthday everyone! Love you all.
ngozi

where to start? birth, the beginning and right at the start...

technically its tuesday morning here in toronto, but frankly i have been in so many different time zones over the past week- i think that i get to pick. so let's say its still monday and therefore exactly 7 days until my birthday on the 21st.

as i started gearing up for the 365 days of All in- i must confess i was getting scared and even more than the fear- i felt extremely confused.

i was having trouble sleeping. which has been happening more and more lately and something that i'm not used to. it's been years since sleepless nights and sleeping in.

any who - a couple of monumental things happened over the last few days.
the most noteable is that jeannette gave birth to the most beautiful angel on Saturday morning - Sagira she's beautiful. jeannette is a mom now. forever. tova and i were there in the delivery room. one leg each... it was one of the most incredible experiences of my entire life. jeannette was incredible and sagira is the most chillin' baby i have met. she's gorgeous.

she reminded me to be present. she just is. and her mommy and the peace and ease that she is moving into this next phase of her life has inspired me.

i was planning to go to the film festival this year to attend a bunch of events
but in light of the birth all the gliterati really paled in comparison to the sweet little angel. so mostly i stayed home. i did attend the CANADIAN BLACK FILM FESTIVAL launch on sunday though. that was great and i am so proud of that initaive.

right now. i'm getting ready. i'm cleaning up, clearing house and making a plan.
stay tuned.
lovingly - 6 days to go...
ngozi

ALL IN. The UP or OUT strategey.

i'm sitting in the airport lounge in france. i have been dreaming about this blog since i landed in europe about a week ago. but since then i have been eating myself in a croissant and chocolate stupor...

so here it is, for all its worth. most of us can relate to all of the things that we've been meaning to do. i heard a saying that really struck me a few weeks ago, "most of us are living life on the lay-away plan..."
giving our second best or sleep walking through the present moment because we are gearing up for what's going to happen when...
the "i'm gonna" syndrome. making excuses for what we're not doing today because we're sure we'll get to it... soon. plus, i'm tired from along day and entourage is on
i thought to myself what if i only had 365 days left? or even more to the point i questioned- is every action that i am taking in alignment with the best version of myself? are most of them even?
these are pretty scary questions. but i asked them anyway. can i get up everyday- and give my best?
well i've set a challenge for myself. i am giving myself a year of "ALL IN", no excuses, 100%. as human beings we are so full of potential as part of the elite of people in the world with all of our basic human rights taken care of AND access to a computer? come one. as i said it my privilege to do our very best. to ensure that when you leave a place. any place its gonna be better because you were there.

i think this is gonna be big. my birthday is coming up on september 21st. so i'm gonna do birthday to birthday. so the next 12 days or so i will be setting up for what i know will be a life changing year.
i consider myself very blessed in general. as you know i act, write, produce, direct. i'm a storyteller.

so in addition to telling you all about the many travels ahead. the work i will be doing in africa. (plus i will share info that i am learning about economics and WHY AFRICA IS SO POOR?? please remember THIS IS THE RICHEST CONTINENT IN THE WORLD WHEN IT COMES TO NATURAL RESOURCES!!! THE RICHEST!! sorry. whenever i think about that it blows my mind. remember we use these resources...in fact i'm using them now. google COLTAN
i digress...but really this all blows my mind.

i will share with you the process of producing a feature film (which i will be doing in the coming year...my first) and television and acting- while committed to living at 100%...YIKES.
honestly, i'm scared. this means i will be doing that mini triathlon. oh boy. i just learned how to swim.

and i know me. since i've gone and opened my big mouth. that means its ON!
i'm hoping that others will share their own journey and inspirations. imagine a world where everyone was living their best life. and living in their purpose. WOW. just one person at a time.
it was listening to Obama's book The Audacity of Hope that i heard "the up or out strategy that he and michelle discussed when he was about to run for the senate and i love that!

here we go...

starting with the man in the mirror written by siedah garrett here she is at the church i attend agape singing her song listen to her sing it


they are calling us to board.
love you. its on ALL IN.

yesterday and today - day SE-IGHT

today is yesterday. yesterday which i am pretty sure was monday...i woke up at 6am or so- another sleepless night, so i stayed up and watched bridget jone's diary on SABC 3. btw i can not properly explain how surreal it is watching english films in south africa. trust me, its weird. but i am still a hopeless romantic...who knows how many times i've seen that movie.

anyway- we had to hit the road early to get to the canadian consulate. we landed in a patch of traffic. now, traffic in south africa is like the world famous LA traffic only instead of four lanes there are two. a parking lot. so we decided best to call and let the consulate know we are on our way. since i needed the travel papers for travel that evening. the very pleasant lady on the phone informed me that, that was absolutely not going to happen.
but, i should come in anyway and get the process rolling. when i got there i spoke with another equally pleasant woman who helped me fill out the papers and told me that it she has never seen in done on the same day. canadians have the most delightful way of telling you where to...well you get the point. still, for those of you who know me. know that for whatever reason there are times when i just don't hear 'no'.

oh no- my minutes are running out so i will skip to the point.

i happened to sit beside a doctor who is thinking about moving his family to canada. he says that there are a series of tests that he and his wife will have to take to be able to work in canada...shout out - da kink episode 203. he works in the community in durban- the stats say that 1/3 of the population in that region is infected with HIV. which is nutz! but -look he told me first hand that from what he has seen that is more like 50/50! he told me that violence against women is so bad that if i were to go out after 8pm for say- a walk there is a 90% chance that i would be raped! now, come on. come on! this is first hand from a community doctor. he was a beautiful dedicated soul. i must say for every crazy story i hear about- there is an equally inspiring story of an angel doing great work and committed to change. i want to help share those stories...

my time is just about out so before i get cut off. i will say. its 658am tomorrow. i am in frankfuhrt. waiting for the flight to france. today is today. i so I GOT THE PASSPORT!! and yes. when i was standing outside the gate the guard told me to come back in a day or two... more on that if i get a chance.

i am so grateful my mom & dad picked canada to move to. i promise them that i won't drop the ball. to my friends, soldiers, and angels on the continent. i promise you i will be back....soon. well y'all know november is when i return. this is a global village. we are citizens of this earth no matter what our passport reads i believe we are responsible for each other.

love you ngozi

ANGEL IDA - day six

wow. ok. i am blown away. i met ida today and as i said yesterday she is a field coordinator for the stephen lewis foundation. ok wow. where to begin.
when i first met ida she breezed into the room beaming. beautiful smile, radiant. we sat down to talk- i was so grateful that she was able to fly in so that we could spend time together. we sat down over a cup of roiboos tea and she began to speak to me. she told me about her millennium year, that was the year she buried her brother and her husband. they both died from HIV/Aids.
after which, she had to fight to stay in her home because in many parts of the world women are still not entitled to OWN LAND! she was left with two children, no money and with no options. so. she decided to take matters into her own hands. ida started working with 'street youth' - i asked her what she meant by that. she explained, many of the youth are orphans, have been in violent conflicts or have been displayed by war. WAR. she told me that when she began to reach out to the community that on her first day that she began HIV testing 13 out of 15 of the women she tested were HIV POSITIVE! forgive my french WTF! really WHAT THE @#c*! i know that is not lady like but really. i don't have another word for this. we really need a new word for women like this. super human? she started mobilizing her community at a grass roots level and since then she has created dozens of grassroots support groups in zambia that work with thousands of women.
i asked ida - how? how did you move from grief into action? she said "it's not about me."
and that's the bottom line isn't it? she told me about a 70 grandmother who buried all 13 of her children - all died from Aids...come on now! all of her children.and she is left to care for her grandchildren. ida told when she hears a story like that how can she be silent?
we cried and laughed. i felt like i had met another long lost sister...aissatou being the first.
we are coming together now. ida says "together we can make a change" i believe her.

there is so much more to tell...this rabbit hole goes so deep. these situations are not by accident but by design. and worse still apathy.

i know we can wake up, get involved and create a change together.

but as aissatou's grandmother's says, "there is too much meat to fit into this pan". but as you all know. i am on a mission.
tomorrow, we go to the consulate to get my passport back - i will be needing it.
tomorrow, god willing i fly into france - i will spend some of my time there telling you more about the people i met here.

friends. tonight i don't think i will sleep again.
love you
ngozi

Want and Wealth - DAY FIVE

today was a day of processing. thank you all for the comments, care and feedback. the money that was lost is half a year's average salary in south africa and in a country where unemployment is over 50% it is no wonder my wallet vanished. seriously, i'm totally fine. just inconvenienced and was heartbroken at not being able to visit with the projects in zambia. but as i said i will be returning in november, staying for longer and doing more work. and ida (in the picture below) flew in from zambia since we couldn't fly to her. she is an amazing woman who works as field representative for the slf foundation. more about her tomorrow.
last night aissatou and i spent hours working out what "my" (and i have to put my in quotes because its really ngozika and everyone i know - i am an ambassador now) next steps will be with the foundation.

today i slept until 330pm. i woke up briefly had breakfast and then fell asleep. the sleep was full of lucid dreams. i was dreaming about the projects. about the foundation. about the future.
when i woke up i thought it was 11am or so. so clearly my physical body was grateful for the rest. and so was i.

i have been going pretty hard core for the past few weeks, with no intention of stopping anytime soon. today i remembered how important it is to process. i mapped out my coarse for the next year. and the years to come actually. the ongoing joke in my house is i always say, "i want to live simple like bob marley." now, i don't know if he really lived simply but his home in jamaica suggested that he had a few favorite items and that he didn't surround himself with many material goods. i loved the simplicity of it. so every time i bring home a new pair of shoes, or fancy dress or something my roommates and best friends always remind me of my quote. it's so easy to want more, to feel like we need to have more, more more. we are conditioned to be consumers. yet, we have so much, we are given so much. and there is much to be grateful for. today, i decided i am selling my house and downsizing to a condo.
surrounding myself with the essential goods. allow clarity and stillness for what is needed. and time to LIVE in complete alignment with my principles and what is truly important to me.
to LOVE without confusion. space to APPRECIATE what you have. the space allows you to see and not take all that we have for granted. when you have enough our privilege and blessing is to SHARE with those who don't have.
i still love shoes. but when i wear my fabulous shoes (or my boots below) i am walking into my purpose.


aissatou said, "live a simple, yet rich life".
to love, to share, to live in appreciation that is true wealth.
and like our the all the beautiful resources of our planet there is more than enough for all of us.


thank you sharing
lovingly ngozi

GROUNDED - day four - international gold card

boooo. my passport is gone. it was in my traveling case with um. ya. over a thousand US dollars.

all i can say is i was planning on giving that money away.
so... i hope whoever has the wallet really needed it. i suspect they did. and the canadian passport is like an international gold card. the canadian consulate is closed until monday and i won't be able to travel to zambia...which i don't know about. but i won't get into that frustration.

i discovered the missing wallet at the airport desk.
and nope. i didn't put it down somewhere. i only use that wallet for travel. i had it when i was on the plane last night. put it in my bag and then...poof gone.
luckily i have my credit cards and bank card separate.

anyway its gone. i may not be able to travel on monday as planned either. oh boy. oh well.
i really believe 'you do your best' ...everything happens for a reason.
so. i will stay in SA for the next two days.

its already decided i will be returning to africa in november. so now. i have to live what i beleive. stay in the moment. live in the now. and have faith that there is a divine order to everything.
i am grounded. time to be still. psalm 46:10
love you gozi.

NYANGA & KHALEYLITSHA - MTCC - day three

i am starting this post from the airport waiting room in capetown
i will finish i'm pretty sure from the hotel in joberg.
we fly into joberg - nap - no sleep. then to zambia in the morning.
our flight has been delayed. so i can type until the juice runs out. i got 9%.

today we visited with mtcc (music therapy community clinic)
the mtcc works with different community based projects
that care for children that have survived trauma from HIV and Aids.
most of them have buried parents. some are infected themselves.
what do they do? they sing and dance with the kids!
healing themselves through expression. love that!

ok now. back at the hotel. its 113am i'm beat. last night i didn't sleep. so much to be done.
i've got to try to sleep a bit tonight. don't know if i will though i will try.

let me say this.
they kids are so talented, so beautiful, such shining lights.
i fell in love today. really true love. this one angel insisted on hugging me and giving me a big kiss on the face. he was about 6 years old maybe? his face was covered with snot! covered! but i was like hey- 'i love you'. and we hugged, he gave me a big kiss and we danced and i was gone. complete surrender. i dedicated my life. i was stunned- because really the snot was all over his angel face. but who cares i love him.

i have so much more to share. i played the djembi drum today for the first time. and a 7 year old thought me how to work a tambourine. (i thought i was a expert. WRONG!)


i know why i was born. really. until every child, woman, man. has the ability to feel free to express themselves, to be healthy and happy. none of us are free. that is for real. i saw myself today. i know why i am here. everyone has the right to be free. be heard, feel seen. i can spend the rest of my life helping to make sure that happens for all of us.

this is where most of these beautiful angels reside. but please keep in mind what the women said yesterday. she is strong and they don't want or need pity. this community is exploding with life and talent. let us make way for them.

so much more to come.
i will add more about the past three days too.
more pictures. (yeah! pictures) more stories.

lovingly. ngozi. um ya. my name means accident in some languages here. so, yup. i no i wasn't planned mommy and daddy but hey! so- blessing in some languages, accident in others. that sums it up. destiny is what it is. by accident or by design. i am here. and so are you.

Khayelitsha - GAPA - day two

Grandma's Against Poverty and Aids
today we drove to khayelitsha about 20 minutes out outside of capetown
but i assure you an entire world apart. these are grandmother's who are dealing with the effect this virus' rampage across their country and in their homes.

when we hear about the HIV/Aids "pandemic" in sub-saharan africa it is difficult to grasp what is really going on. we hear the numbers...millions of people infected...1 in every 4 people in south africa between the ages of 15-49...one in every four pregnant women. what?! huh?! that can't be right. we think no way. and we move on. but as my friend aissatou put it today so eloquently, "behind every number is a heartbeat, and their heartbeat is just as valuable as mine." (when i say she is an angel i am not exaggerating) and she is right.

i listened to their stories. i was blown away by their courage. women infected by their husbands. women who have buried their children, and their children's children. yet.
and this is a big YET- they are so resilient.
one woman who has been living with HIV/Aids said that she did not want to be "pitied". she told her story with such strength, humor, and grace. she was amazing.

we saw how communities are pulling together at a grass roots level to support and educate each other. training each other and creating space for each other.

one woman who was infected told be that she was in such denial initially that when she got shingles, (known for being excruciating) that she, "put away the pain".
put it away for 6 months! and she told me that with a smile on her face. and we laughed and joked about the "strong black woman syndrome"...she said that if she ignored the pain any longer it could could have killed her. sister's can you hear me out there?
it was this particular beauty that showed me her art work in the form of belts, earrings, hats etc... of coarse i shopped. she also trains the other grandmother's how to create as well.

she told me "if you are creative like me...there are lots of things you can do". i love that. so, i will see what i can do!

vivian the project leader just looked at me straight and said. "i don't talk, talk, a talk! - i DO"
i love that!

i can really go on and on. my dream is community. today i saw it in action. i love expression. today i saw it in dance and song. it was amazing. in the middle of the workshop all the women would erupt spontaneously into song.

+ i didn't even get into the kids. beyond cute. beyond cute.
? though um why do they perm the kids hair? or should i say the babies? really i saw some perms on kids that can't talk....hmmm? that's a whole kink episode of its own. and a whole other blog.

...oh yes i took video i was trying to upload it but...alas. no dice.
i will keep at it. video and pics still en route.

like i said to the grandmother's today
love you so much
thank you for sharing this with me
i really appreciate you so much
you're beautiful
ngozi

CAPE TOWN TOUCH DOWN - day one

ok so flew into nyc...nope wait.
new jersey. didn't even figure that one out until i got on the plane. booooo.
took a train to nyc. then a cab to the hotel.
mini-sleep. then cab to jfk. then flight to johannesburg. then flight to cape town.
planes. trains and automobiles.
yes. i am delirious. time traveling will do that to ya.

when we arrived at the airport there were hundreds and hundreds of people cheering at the gate.
they may have thought they were welcoming their athletes home after the world championships!
...but i knew they were there for me. so i waved and smiled. and they waved back. quite a welcome!

i am traveling with an angel aissatou. she works with the stephen lewis foundation as their program director. she really is an angel. so committed. a wife, a mom and beautiful woman. she is traveling with only a carry on. my hero!

tomorrow we go and spend time with the grandmothers. like many of us i was raised by my grandmother. we used to go on senior church trips together. she's 92 and still going strong. so i have a very, very soft spot for grandma's.
aissatou told me some of their stories...these are grandmother's who have stepped in to raise their grandchildren after watching their own children die from HIV/Aids.
i am really humbled more and more every step i take on this journey.

i am tired but...no not really. i'm juiced. i feel propelled by a force much greater than myself.

a friend read my blog and asked me. "how do i stay so strong?"
ok so a couple of things
1. i don't usually feel very strong at all. but i do believe - that which is in me is greater than that which is in the world. faith. push yourself to the edge of your abilities and support will be there to take you to the other side.
2. pick up this month's oprah. i love the quote on the front. 'you're stronger than you know'.

thanks for reading.
i will figure out pictures and video...soon. i'm sure. very soon.
lovingly. ngozi

nyc to joberg

well the last 48hrs have been quite a whirlwind.
i packed up my place in LA. flew to toronto.
one of my best friends QUEEN JEANNETTE had her baby shower
we ate cupcakes and made a tummy cast...it was awesome.
hosted by me and TOVA but...tova said i was no help at all. she was right.
...but in my defense i did host and crack a few jokes...well i tired.

flew to nyc. and i'm off to JoBerg in the morning. i am so excited. i'm actually having dreams about airports.
i travel to joberg in south africa then to cape town. i will be meeting with projects that the STEPHEN LEWIS FOUNDATION works with. the more i learn about this organization the more i am impressed with the way they work. they support organizations at a grass roots level. they work specifically with women and girls...
i LOVE that!

i was planning on doing the twitter thing- but as it turns out i forgot my phone. so oh well.
i will try to post everyday while i am there. pictures and everything.
tonight i sleep at W Hotel in NYC tomorrow i sleep in Cape Town.

ok guys let's roll...

i really am starting to understand the meaning of ONE LOVE.
meditate on that.
ONE LOVE.
love you.
thanks for sharing. gozi.